Another pic of Landon with his sweet mama

Tracy and Landon

A Breath of Fresh Air

I feel like a new woman today. My sweetheart is off today; what perfect timing. "Providential" as the some would say. His electricity was turned on and he is out shopping for his new home. I wish I could be with him!

I got to see the trailer yesterday. I was suprised at how nice it is. It's rather generic-looking (as are the other 49 or so FEMA trailers next to it), but he will be able to fix it up nicely. The furniture in it is really, really nice.

I am so relieved that my sweet man has been provided for. Thank you, Jehovah Jireh, our provider.

'And Abraham called the name of that place Jehovah-jireh;

(that is, The Lord will provide).'- Genesis 22:14.

As these two, Abraham and Isaac, were travelling up the hill, the son bearing the wood, and the father with the sad burden of the fire and the knife, the boy said: 'Where is the lamb?' and Abraham, thrusting down his emotion and steadying his voice, said: 'My son, God will provide Himself a lamb.' When the wonderful issue of the trial was plain before him, and he looked back upon it, the one thought that rose in his mind was of how, beyond his meaning, his words had been true. So he named that place by a name that spoke nothing of his trial, but everything of God's provision--

'The Lord will see,' or 'The Lord will provide.'

Halllelu! FEMA came through!

Bf has a home!!! He called today from work and said that FEMA had called him and told him to meet him at a mobile home park in Gulfport. He now has keys to his own mobile home! It's a three bedroom, brand new, furnished mobile home. He can live in it, rent free, for 18 months. How fabulous is that!?!? God has provided through FEMA and through our tax dollars. I am so grateful. My sweetheart has been provided for. I will sleep peacefully tonight... Thank you all for your prayers...

Dr. Laura - his stress is not my stress

I'm taking a break from my studies of dermatology (blech!) to write about an episode I listened to the other day on Dr. Laura. The woman is very controversial, for sure. I'm sure that most people either love her or hate her. I like her non-emotional approach ("stroking" people in need seems to waste a lot of time - and doesn't encourage change, I don't think); however, being a caring, emotional, empathetic person, I think her approach is a tad harsh at times.

I was very interested in a conversation she had with a young girl on air the other day. She called in stating that she'd had a lot of stress in her life. She reported that she was 19, a newlywed, and her husband was overseas with the military. He'd gotten hurt and didn't know what was going to happen with his career. Dr. Laura replied with, "you've told me about his stress, what is yours?"... the young girl proceeded to talk about her brother who was a newlywed and having marital problems. Again, Dr. Laura stated, "that's your brother's stress..what's yours?" She went on to say that in her experiences with counseling, that most people had a lot of stress in their lives, but it was not their own. They were spending a lot of time worrying about other people's problems. How close to home is that for me? I've told people lately that I feel as if I'm the one who lost my home because I care for my bf so much. But I suppose I'm not doing him any favors allowing it to get me down. I'm certainly not doing myself any favors.

I wonder how this plays in with people that are married. What I mean by that is, I know that boundaries are important in marriage. However, the two DO become one, right? This young 19 year old girl was married. Whatever happened to her husbands career would affect her too...

I know that I've let myself go a lot...have not done the things that I was doing before all this happened. I know that's not healthy. I know my boundaries have been meshed, and that's not good.

Anyone have thoughts on Dr. Laura? I enjoy listening to her and become stronger; empowered, I think... She does need a tad more compassion, though...

Guilty Pleasures

Does anyone else have guilty pleasures? (In searching about guilty pleasures on google, I actually found a book with this title: The Encyclopedia of Guilty Pleasures: 1,001 Things You Hate to Love by Sam Stall, Lou Harry and Julia Spalding). A guilty pleasure is something that you enjoy that you feel as if you shouldn't. Well, my latest guilty pleasure is FX's hit show Nip Tuck. How can you look at these men photographed here and not be interested in this show??? (Ok, so men with pretty faces are another guilty pleasure)

Here is a brief synopsis for you:

Nip/Tuck (premiered July 22, 2003) is an American drama television series created by Ryan Murphy for FX Networks. It follows the lives of two Miami plastic surgeons, Sean McNamara (Dylan Walsh) and Christian Troy (Julian McMahon), as their lives fall apart under the stress of greed, envy, lust and crime. The show, while not strictly a soap opera, has some story arcs. In its debut season, Nip/Tuck was the highest-rated new series on basic cable, and the highest rated basic cable series of all for the 18-49 and 25-54 age demographics. The first season averaged about 3.25 million viewers an episode, and was released on DVD in the US on June 15, 2004. The second season averaged about 3.8 million viewers per episode, and was released on DVD in the US on August 30, 2005.

In 2005, Nip/Tuck won the Golden Globe for Best Drama Series. The third season debuted in the U.S. on Tuesday, September 20, 2005 and debuted in the UK on October 16, 2005.

I have this show recorded regularly on TiVO. I had about 15 episodes recorded and my sweetheart and I would watch several at a time. Now, I've watched all the old episodes and am caught up with the current season. This is so frustrating because I have to wait a whole week to catch the new episode! Last night was a great episode. Any other Nip/Tuck fans? Anyone else with guilty pleasures?

Tracy's son

This is my friend Tracy's son. Isn't he precious?

His is a CHUNK!

I love this photo of him.

Life Goes On

I remember in 1991 I went through a painful breakup. I barely ate for a week (and thus lost 10 pounds that week) and was horribly depressed. I remember watching people around me; friends, family, co-workers; even strangers in the mall, those driving past me. I remember thinking, "how can they be so happy"... It was odd to see people living "like normal" when I sure as heck wasn't. I realized how so many people might feel like that; after a loss of a loved one, or during other times of grief. Grief is often a lonely thing. Sometimes people understand what you're going through, but it's rarely at the same level, at the same time. Even two parents who lose a child grieve in different ways, I'm sure.

My sweetheart and I both grieve; on different levels for sure. I didn't lose my home and everything I own (although I did lose practically every sentimental thing I owned prior to 2000 due to the irresponsibility of my sorry ex-husband who didn't pay the storage rental bill and didn't tell me about it until everything had been auctioned off). I know what grief and loss is like. I grieve now because I love him so intensely and I cannot stand to see him hurting. I hurt because he hurts. But I'm sure even that grief is not like his. So therefore, we both grieve alone to some degree.

I presume the only remedy is time. Only time will allow the grief to subside. Only in time will he find housing, and little by little, replace his belongings.

Have you ever noticed that with time, though, that people forget? We said we'd "never forget" 9/11. But haven't we? We don't grieve like we did then. Sure it was a huge tragedy but it doesn't impact us like it did then. Of course, much of that is normal. However, it's difficult when people are still going through difficulties and those around them don't seem to understand the gravity of it.

My love STILL doesn't have housing. He is STILL homeless. He's still with my family and has been for 43 days. I am so grateful for my parents' hospitality. I presume they're ready for their house back, though. So what happens to him? He's thinking of spending some time with his family in Mobile. He's gravitated towards us for some reason, and for that I am grateful. I pray that his heart has been nourished during this time. Someone said recently, "other people have moved on, why can't he?".... comments like that make me see that people just don't understand the gravity of the situation we are in. There is NO HOUSING. I've looked online and there are some people that will allow strangers to come into their home for refuge. (One person I talked to said that her 15 year old son wanted to give up his bedroom so someone would have a home. How touching is that??) However, how difficult is it for those who have lost everything to move into someone else's home, that they don't even know, and lose something else of value: their privacy; their independence.... Sure, those that are on the street would be so grateful, I'm sure... anyway, I'm rambling...

A frustration of mine is FEMA...(the Flawed Emergency Management Agency)..Now don't get me wrong. They do great work. Many have received much needed assistance from them. But they are unorganized and it seems to me, clueless about most victims of the storm. I know people who are in homes that are untouched that have received close to $5000, yet my bf is still homeless. I know people who have gotten money, who had no damage, were not out of work, etc. People are frauding the Federal Government and it IRRITATES ME. Fema has given my bf money for rental assistance. But let me ask you this... What good does rental assistance money do you if there is no where to rent???

My emotions are up and down... I've had to seek further medicinal support during this time of stress and grief. One thing that I love about my sweetheart is that he expresses him emotions and does not stuff them like a lot of men do. The downside of this, though, is that I see his feelings. Last night he didn't even speak a word and I could see the sadness in his eyes. Being the empathetic person that I am, I hurt with him.

I've let myself go in a lot of ways, though, in these days since the storm; I'm trying to be better about that. I've started back to studying. I've actually really enjoyed my studies as of late. I guess it's been a refuge for me in some ways...

I'm feeling particularly eager to write today.. not sure why... anyway, many people know that I've struggled a lot spiritually since my marriage. One day I will have to write that whole story out (of course, my spiritual story and my marriage story are two completely different novels all together) :) I continue to struggle spiritually, even now though, amidst this difficult time. It's so hard when people say to "just trust God"... I guess, honestly, it's not the trusting God part that bothers me, but the people that say that to me. It makes me feel that they truly don't understand grief and hurting; as if to say, "just trust God and the hurt will go away"... I know first hand that this is NOT true.. There are NO guarantees. As the Bible says, the rain falls on the just and the unjust. I have a hard, hard time sorting that out. People say if you do the right thing, you'll be blessed for it. But I also know firsthand, that's not always true.

I've learned about pain and sorrow and grief in the past few years in a way I'd never experienced it before. I've learned more, spiritually too, I guess... I've learned experientially, rather than through book knowledge. Seminary sure doesn't teach you the types of things I've lived through. Nothing in a book teaches you this stuff...

Ok, I'm rambling now... I've added some photos below. Some of of our precious dogs. Pepper is our family dog that we've had for a year or so. Pedro is my sweetheart's dog and has been with us since the storm as well. They are so terribly funny together. I will close with this story of Pedro and Pepper's adventures.

Pepper has a serious naughty streak in him. He loves to sneak around and do things he knows he's not supposed to do. One thing in particular, is to get the towel that he sleeps on from his kennel and chew on it. The place where he does this, is in the formal dining room, underneath the table (usually with the lights off). If we haven't seen or heard Pepper in a while, it means he is in there doing something he's not supposed to. I've named the Dining Room the "naughty room" for this reason.

Last night, I hadn't heard or seen Pepper or Pedro in a while. I went into the "naughty room" and sure enough, Pepper was in there with his towel. I glanced to my left in the dining room, and there was Pedro... He had taken his towel from his cage and was chewing on it as well!!! If you knew their personalities, you'd know how funny this is. Pepper is very aggressive (but still very sweet) and Pedro is very passive. The whole thing reminded me of a little brother that imitated his big brother because he wanted to be just like him! Too funny...

Stories like this keep me going... Thank you God, for the small things...

Pep & Pedro...

Pepper

Pedro

letting go
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Abraham/Isaac
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letting go
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letting go
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maker of love

help me to love with boundaries;
to not try to do what only you alone can do
i cannot move mountains
i cannot move souls
that is yours
and yours alone

help me to know when to speak
when to touch
and when to refrain;
when to ignite
when to withdraw

please do what only you can do
and empower me to do what I must
teach me what I must not do
show me what I must

elighten and encourage
enflame
ignite
empassion
draw
combust within us
do what only you can

we are but dust
you are everything

help me to love from a distance
when I must
step away when it's needed
help me to not love TOO much
help me not to smother

help me to empower
and encourage
to nurture
to love
only as much as needed
not too much
and definitely not too little
show me how to live
that which is just right

for that is something
that can only come from you

oh maker of love

Peaceful photo of couple
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Heaviness

I feel a heaviness setting in. I feel like the world is sitting on my chest. I don't think I've ever loved the way I love my sweetheart. He is having such a hard time and I think I feel every pain. Maybe this is an issue of boundaries. I can't fix him. I can't heal him. I can't ease his burdens. I can try to make life easier for him. I can do my best to make him smile and laugh. But I cannot fix him. I sure wish I could. But we are all only responsible for ourselves.

God, will you please give him a place to live? Will you lighten his load? Will you lighten mine? Our lives have been turned upside down. Become our center and show us just how much we need you. Draw us closer to yourself. Be our strength. Please give him peace and rest. Provide for his every need - internally and externally.

Life goes on... difficult as it can be...

'I was once like you'

The following are reprinted from the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, which has been running some pretty amazing first-hand accounts of Katrina in their Page Two column, “The Morning File.”

‘I was once like you’

From Howard Luna,
who wrote this in church the first Sunday after Katrina.

I was once like you.
I had a home, a community, a church.
I was once like you.
I had family and friends close by.
I was once like you.
I said that I would donate money and volunteer time but never did.
I was once like you.
I had a job, financial security, cars, boats, etc.
But no more, I am not like you.
I am happy that friends and family are not close by because I know that they are safe.
I am not like you.
I cry tears of joy when friends and family leave
knowing that they are one step closer to going home.
I am not like you.
I left home, not by choice but by the hand of GOD.
Who am I
I know that home is where my wife and kids are.
Who am I
I am a person who will give more, volunteer more
and open my home to anyone in need without reservation.
Who am I I am a person who has seen more angels in the past two weeks
then a thousand people will see in a lifetime.
Who am I
I am a displaced person to some, a refugee to others.
Who am I
I’m a person that just wants to go home.

Some fluff removed

I've been thinking of my blog; of writing, of documenting my life and who I am. I often think of different things to write during the day, sometimes when I'm lying in bed attempting to sleep. I entitled my blog "Traci's Truth" because being real is so important to me. I do not enjoy facades/pretending; I try to be an example of one of emotional integrity.

Several months ago I felt like my blog was "too intense" and therefore searched the internet for fun quizzes, photos, etc. to "lighten" up my blog. I realized last night that my "intense" blogs just encapsulate who I am. That was my "truth" at the time. And shying around this and trying to be something I'm not is opposite of what I'm trying to do. Therefore, I removed some of the "fluff". It was silly and junior-highish, so I'm sure it will not be missed! (I did, however, leave "What Napoleon Dynamite character are you" simply because I love that movie so much)...

Have a blessed day!

An Adult Child Living with Adult Parents

I have been so grateful for my sweet parents. They took me in over three years ago after my divorce and I remain under their roof! We have developed closer relationships and I do really enjoy their companionship. They have also been so gracious to take my love in their home these past few weeks and have treated him like family. My parents are wonderful, precious people. I adore them and thank God for them.

I have had a few struggles while living at home with being an adult and living with my adult parents. I know that many adults living at home would struggle with the same - and the parents struggle, too. There are conflicts of interest, conflicts of opinions, etc. My parents raised me with strong values and morals (a conservative Southern Baptist home). They did a wonderful job of raising my siblings and myself. I have, however, over the past couple of years developed a sense of individuality; straying somewhat. Not rebelling, not turning away; but defining who I am and what I believe - apart from mom and dad, apart from the church, etc. The past few years have been invaluable. I have a strong identity and a strong sense of self. I have a confidence in who I am and what I believe that I never had before. The past few years have been priceless.

My parents have had difficulty, however, particularly my mother, with seeing me live differently than they; differently from the way they raised me (these are very tiny differences, mind you). Now, I've never been a parent. But I imagine it would be tremendously difficult to see your children live differently than how you'd hope they would; to "let them go" in a sense. My bet is that the majority of parents struggle with this.

I had to have a semi-confrontation recently. I had to take a stand and set a boundary and it was somewhat difficult. I think my mother had an even harder time with it. I had to say, "I've got to be who I think I need to be". It's been so easy for me over the past couple of years to simply hide the differences - to try to camouflage as much as possible; so as to not rock the boat, or not hurt my precious parents. I came to realize, however, that this was not helping them, or me. I cannot hide from the world. There's no need for me to flaunt that I am different, but there's no shame in it either. I am who I am, as Popeye says. If I am confident and self-assure, then there is no need to hide in the decisions that I make.

This has been a growing period. I have learned much. I pray that I will always be gracious and honorable, yet true to myself. I pray that I will continue to do soul searching; to not cower in my decisions. I pray that I will be brave. I pray that I will be an example to others about developing a sense of identity. To truly examine what you know and what you believe and decide if it is YOURS. To not simply blend in because it's what you know, or because it's comfortable.

Natchez, MS

What a delightful getaway we had! We spent the weekend in historic Natchez, MS and had such a great time. I stayed in the 1888 Wensel House Bed and Breakfast (http://www.1888wenselhouse.com/). The owners were so delightful. The other residents of the home were people from LA displaced by Katrina. We'd all sit around at breakfast and exchange stories. Everyone has been affected in some way during the storm.

Friday night we ate at Pearl Street Pasta. The atmostphere was amazing, the food great, but the service was HORRIBLE. The place had been recommended to me by many, so I know they were certainly just having a bad night. We ordered a bottle of White Zinfendel (the last bottle they had) and she cracked it trying to open it!! We received our salads an hour and a half after we placed our order. She asked us "what did you order again?" at that time... We knew we were in trouble then!! The food was good.. It was just disheartening having to spend the amount we did with the service we received. Anyway, on to more delightful things!

My sweetie has been enjoying cigars as of late, so we were able to find a tobacco store with a walk in humidor and he found some good things...

Saturday we had a busy, busy, day. We went to the Natchez welcome center, toured Longwood plantation which was amazing (photo listed above), ate at Fat Mama's tamales (the most amazing margaritas on the planet (http://www.fatmamastamales.com/order.html), went to a very quaint bookstore (Turning Pages), visited the famous Darby's and bought some wonderful fudge (http://www.darbysfudge.com/Fudge%20Tales.htm) , this amazing gourmet pet store (Fydeaux - we were probably there 45 minutes just talking to the owners. They were such neat people http://www.fydeauxspetco.com/dishes.htm), toured the William Johnson museum (so very interesting;Natchez is full of neat history. Johnson was a free man of color who was very wealthy. He lent money to the banks of Natchez! Interestingly, he had his own slaves. He kept a diary, which I think I'd love to read). (http://www.natchez.ms.us/custom/webpage.cfm?content=News&id=39)

That evening we ate at Pig Out Barbecue which was wonderful. We sat at Slough Daddy's outdoor restaurant/pub and listened to some live music and then took a carriage ride around down. That was absolutely delightful. It was just the two of us, the evening was very pleasant, and the driver knew so many neat little facts about Natchez and its history. Below is one of the stories he told us.

There was a man that owned a pub. He had an elephant that only paying customers could see, to attract business. A couple of customers thought it would be interesting to see what would happen if the elephant was drunk so they brought buckets of ale out for it to drink. The elephant became out of control, broke down the fence and was tearing through the neighborhood. They eventually had to kill it to cease the destruction. Our tour guide said, "Now, I wasn't there, so I don't know if it's true or not; but I will tell you there is a law in Natchez that says you cannot give alcohol to
an elephant". We thought that was rather humorous.

Sunday we went and looked out at the Mississippi River a while. We then took a drive through the historic Cemetary in Natchez. It was amazing to see these tombstones that were over a century old. It was beautiful and peaceful out there. We also drove through the Natchez National Cemetary. There were dozens upon dozens of unknown soldiers' graves.

On the way home we stopped and my brother's and I was able to visit with them, my sis and my precious niece! She is growing up so fast.

Ok - our wonderful weekend has been shared with you! We took some photos; unfortunately I do not have a digital camera yet, so I'll have to wait until they are developed to share them with all (and I am HORRIBLE about procrastinating and getting photos developed - hopefully these will be done quickly).

We had a delightful time in Natchez and I hope we can go back soon. There were so many things we wanted to do, but just didn't have the time or energy to do them. Hope you can go visit too! Natchez is a delightful, interesting, friendly town.

Update and getting away!

JS and I are getting away this weekend! I absolutely cannot wait! I'm going to leave tragedy behind and forget about crisis for a while. We both have been so stressed out. A break is much needed.

My love is feeling displaced - very understandably so. So many people have commented on those that have lost everything and have said, "well they are only temporary possessions". That is true. However, losing your home is so much more than that. It is work to build up a home; years of saving and preparing. Home is your refuge. Home is where you keep the things precious to you; many that can never be replaced. JS lost his childhood desk, his baby blanket, his son's baby blanket, some antiques, his grandfather's watch, numerous photos, etc. These items can never be replaced. His home, more than anything, was "his". A place he could always go and feel safe. A place to "put his stuff". I've stayed with others for an extended period of time and I know how hard it is to not have anywhere to "put your stuff"! Living out of suitcase is hard. It's also hard when you do your best to respect the wishes of the people you're staying with - even when your habits can be so different.

Will you pray for us if you think about it? More JS, than me... but you know what? I have never loved the way I love JS. I hurt so much when he hurts. I update so reguarly about him, because I feel like these things are happening to me. He is such a precious man. My deepest prayer for him is peace and rest and stability. I pray that he will find a home soon - even if it is only a temporary place; someplace that is his very own.

I hope to get some more photos of him and of us together while we are both at mom and dad's. I want you all to see more of this sweet man that I adore so.

Peace and love to you all -

Tuesday's Truth

• I'm tired - although I did get good sleep last night
• My heart breaks for JS and all the other losses around us
• My heart aches for my brother and sister-in-law for recent painful struggles they are facing
• I hurt for Randy - a temp janitor helping us at the church, who lost his 10-year-old daughter during Katrina - a tree fell on their trailer and broker her neck. Is there anything more sad???
• Life can be so very hard sometimes
• I pray for my sis as she interviews at a job fair for teachers in St. Charles parish today
• God is drawing me nearer to himself as a result of recent tragedies
• I pray he does the same for JS and all other affected by these tragedies
• I need to get back on the ball with my eating, exercise and studying - getting out of my routine always messes me up - I wish I didn't struggle with these things so
• Work is CRAZY as we are serving the community with relief efforts
• My car is clean and that makes me feel good!
• I do so enjoy these days with my dearheart
• His biggest need right now is temporary housing - preferably on the Coast, if not in Hattiesburg. This commute is wearing him down I think. He had to leave at 4:30 this morning... ugh... He needs his own space.
• My sis received relief money from FEMA... PTL!
• A friend recently sent me an email and said that we shouldn't accept government money - because it's not willingly given. I understand this point - many abuse the system - but for people who live paycheck to paycheck, pay taxes, are hardworking citizens, this government money comes in so helpful.
• I haven't taught piano lesson one this month. Everyone's schedule is completely off due to Katrina.
• I'm so grateful for my friends who have been so kind during all this. I am blessed.
• I guess that's it for now. I'm so tired. More coffee is needed.

September 11, 2001

It's odd to realize that another major catastrophe happened on this day four years ago. We have been so caught up in what is going on now that I guess it's easy to forget what happened back then. Life can be so hard. When I was younger I didn't have a clue what life could be like. However, I guess no American before Sept. 11, 2001 or August 29, 2005 could fathom the death and destruction that could take place in our nation. Lord help us.

9/11

A day of rest

We have enjoyed a day of rest today. My sis has left us for a couple of days, so it is just mom and dad, JS and me, Pepper and Pedro. :) Pepper is our dog, a chihuahua pekingese mix and Pedro is J's dog that is 100% chihuahua. We've had a lot of fun with them.

Not too much has happened this weekend. JS and I went to Laurel last night and had dinner with Crystal and Eric and their pastor. That was a refreshing time; just to get away and be with friends. J and I went back to Crystal & Eric's afterwards and played a game. A taste of normalcy: it was lovely.

JS still has moments of being up and down. He's seemed rather down this weekend. I guess grief does come in waves. And I know it will all take time. I am grateful that we've been able to take him into our home and minister to him. I pray that he finds comfort and peace being here.

I've attached photos from J's apartment and Long Beach below.

J's apartment was right in front of the trees

Longwood Apartments, Long Beach, MS

Longwood Apartments, Long Beach, MS

J walking through rubble.

The top floor of a building now in the middle of the road. The orange X is to note that the building has been searched for bodies.

Rubble 2 blocks from J's apartment where we found the photos of his son - untouched.

Several buildings still stood...

Ironically, the first aparment that J lived in is still standing (pictured in this photo). He moved due to flooding. He had an inch of water standing in his apartment several months ago; thus, moved to a new one.

National Guardsmen check passes to get into the area south of the railroad tracks.
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Inside J's first apartment - you can tell where the water line was.

The management cannot be found. J wants his deposit back! :)

Doubt any future resident will be parking here.

Long Beach
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More Long Beach destruction.
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J climbing debris to get to his coworkers house to check on him. No one had heard from him and his car was in front of the house. All had feared the worse. He was later located.

Long Beach

Residents of Long Beach say thank you.

Residents of Long Beach letting others know they are alive and well.

A Hymn in Response to Hurricane Katrina's Impact

A Hymn in Response to Hurricane Katrina's Impact
By Stephen D. Lawton

God of nature, at whose voice the waves and winds must now obey.

Editor's note: This is a hymn offered in response to Hurricane Katrina and the ensuing disasters in the Gulf Coast states, August 29, 2005. Written by Stephen D. Lawton, Director of Music and Worship at Mitchell Road Presbyterian Church in Greenville, S.C. (PCA).

God of Nature, at Whose Voice

God of nature, at whose voice the waves and winds must now obey,
Give your people words of comfort, acts of grace to share today.
Yours the pow’r of devastation, yours to gather, help and heal;
We know not your ways of wisdom; let your light our paths reveal.

Shelter Lord, the homeless, helpless, young and old with pity see,
Give their daily food, supply their needs with perfect equity.
Grant protection, strength and patience to their rescuers, we pray;
Fill with hope the laboring workers, grace to serve both night and day.

Bring your people ever closer, sharing pain of grief and loss,
Motivate us, loving Savior, with the love shown by your cross.
We, your Body, long to serve you, serving others in your name,
And when sorrow washes o’er us, Gracious Spirit, heal the pain.

Call our nation to repentance; gather us that we may see
You’re the God of love and mercy; rescue us and set us free.
Let our deeds announce redemption, saving grace for all our days.
Let your song go forth to cheer us, lifting heart and hands to praise. Amen.

Beach Spring, 87.87.D (Come All Christians Be Committed)
© 2005 Stephen D Lawton, all rights reserved

http://www.byfaithonline.com/

Friday again

Things are progressing and life goes on. The destruction I've seen and tasted is so small compared to what is going on around us. I continue to be heartbroken and simply numb at times - in utter disbelief of what has happened. My head knows that our Lord is in control, but it can be so hard to believe at times.

All of us went to church together this past Sunday. I struggled with something the preacher said, and my father stated later that he did too. The preacher said that God did not cause this storm. I do know that God is not vindictive and that he did not willfully impose destruction upon us (the pastor's point was that we have storms and trials in life due to the fact that sin entered the world). However, who else controls the weather? No one but him. He is the author of it and the One that controls the winds and the waves. So I just have a hard time making sense of all that. I guess it's just one of those things we'll never understand. Someone enlighten me if you have some wisdom to share in this regard.

I continue to be so proud of my sweetheart. He came home from work all smiles yesterday. I think he's finding a sense of camaraderie amongst the guys he's working with. There seems to be a lightheartedness at work - they are providing a cookout today for all the workers (there are very few of them working on the Gulf Coast right now, it seems). I think he's needed this and I'm grateful for it. Someone that came into the plant yesterday said that he never would have expected to see such a happy bunch of guys. He is a survivor and I am proud of him. I am so grateful that he is in my life. I do adore him so.

No telling what this weekend will be like. There has been a curfew in Hattiesburg, and all of us are trying to conserve our funds. It may be a lazy weekend. I gotta get studying! We now have our cable and high speed internet back... There is no excuse now!

Ok, I better quit for now. I'll try to be better about updating this.. Thanks to all of you who are reading and keeping up...

A moment to rejoice

My sister went to her house in Metairie yesterday. They were allowing residents to go in for a brief time to check their offices/homes and remove items. My sis, mom and dad drove to Metairie (an 11.5 hour round trip - they only spent 1 hour in the house. Tells you how much time they spent in the car since it's about 100 miles to Metairie from Hattiesburg). My sister's house is 100% in perfect condition! We are so very grateful. She even had power! She said it was like she had just been gone for the weekend when she returned.

Sis is still praying for direction. Her school where she has been teaching is completely damaged as is her church. She will need to relocate somewhere temporarily until the city is up and running again but she is not sure where she will go.

JS is still staying with us at mom and dad's. He has been able to work at some of the concrete plants on the coast and has been commuting the past couple of days. The drive and gasoline will be tough on him, but I know he's glad to be working again and to be contributing to his home community.

J is hoping for temporary housing - possibly in Hattiesburg until housing is available on the coast. He is certainly grateful for mom and dad opening up their home (and I am certainly treasuring my time with him and the time that he and the family are having time to get to know each other better), but of course, desires a place of his own.

I will try to update my blog more regularly for those of you that would like to keep up. My studying has suffered greatly during all this. I'm hoping that we'll get our high speed internet up and going soon and that I'll be able to tear myself away from J to get some studying done!

Katrina

One view of J's apartment complex (the middle and right building are actually top floors from other buildings that have been placed in the road)

Today is the first day of work after Katrina's fury. It has been a very trying time. Getting back to work is somewhat refreshing - yet a tad difficult, too. My heart has broken because of all the pain and destruction around me and it's hard to go on - living as I did before the devastation.

Yesterday J and I went to Long Beach. We went to find some of his co-workers and to see the plant where he worked. I think he felt a need to get back and connect somewhat. He was able to connect with his supervisor and one other co-worker. The plant is about 50% destroyed. It will be rebuilt.

We got a pass from the Long Beach fire department to go into his neighborhood. I never imagined it would look the way it did. Someone told J, "anything you see on the news, or hear on the radio... it's worse...". There are marks on doors from where they were in each home looking for bodies. We weren't able to decipher the different marks to tell where there were bodies and were there weren't.

We went into what was his apartment complex and the stench was horrible. We had to climb over two buildings to get to where his apartment was. There is nothing left. For about a square mile, there is nothing but concrete slabs and debris...and silence. The silence was eerie. That was once such a noisy place - and now you could hear the waves from the Gulf a block away.

We were walking slowly, looking through debris two blocks from where J's apartment was. I looked down and saw a perfectly in-tact photo of his son. It was amazing. We found what looked like a suitcase of his in the same location. He opened it up and there was a receipt from when he stayed in a hotel back in June. Those were the only items he took away with him; the photo and the receipt. He was able to find the exact location of his apartment and could find nothing (although his son's toilet was still attached to the floor....pretty interesting).

My heart is heavy. Not for how this storm has affected me; but for how it's affected everyone else. I guess I've watched too much of the news. I see these children without their parents, and think of the thousands and thousands of people who are now homeless; the ones who don't know where their loved ones are. I know I'm one of the blessed. But I hurt for those that aren't so blessed.

I saw a sign yesterday spray painted outside of someone's home. It said: "By the grace of God, the south shall rise again." I pray that it will; I know it will only be by the grace and help of God.

TGIF!!!

Oh, how I love Fridays. I get to wear jeans to work. I spend time thinking of how I will get to spend my weekend. There is an overall sense of relaxation; knowing that the end is in sight! Sure it's just temporary; just a pause. Yet it rejuvenates me!

I am thinking of starting a second blog strictly for my new health journey that I've ventured on. Not a diet. Not "training" (because training comes to an end eventually). But permanent change. I've had years and years of poor habits. Honestly, I've had lots of bad habits in all areas of my life. I am doing my very best to take charge of my life. To be gracious and be brave at the same time and conquer these small habits (that add up to be a huge disorderly life).

I'm working out, I'm eating healthy, drinking my water, trying to get enough sleep, trying to keep my living space clean, trying to have a balanced life... Normally when I venture out on a new journey, I am so hyped and believe that I can conquer the world. I am facing these changes with a bit of humility this time, I guess. I realize that I can fall on my face in a heartbeat. I know that permanent changes must be made. I know that my lifestyle has to change. I know that's not going to be easy. And I KNOW it's going to take a LONG time (I didn't get this way overnight - it's been 35 years of poor habits). But I'm doing my best to take it one day at a time. Pray for me in my quest, if you think about it. :)

Things with J are still going fabulously :) We see each other pretty much every weekend. After several months together, though, we're starting to settle in a bit; we realize that we have our own individual needs and loved ones as well, and take time apart from each other when needed to take care of our own needs. I am so grateful for him. He is by far one of the very best things that has ever happened to me. Thank you, Lord, for this precious, precious man...

I'm still LOVING school! I'm about 7 weeks into it and, as everything else in my life, I have a long way to go. But I'm doing my best and learning a lot. I think just possibly, I've finally found what I want to be when I grow up! Sheesh! It's taken long enough!

I'm feeling a lot of gratitude today. Life is good. I am blessed. I am grateful.

SARK - "How to be an Artist"

I love SARK... Don't know if you've heard of her or not. She is an artist and an author. An encourager ... I have several of her books. Many may find them "hokey" (I surely would have years ago)... But now I find a sense of calm and encouragement as I read her stuff.

Here is a taste:

HOW TO BE AN ARTIST

stay loose. learn to watch snails. plant impossible gardens. invite someone dangerous to tea. make little signs that say yes! and post them all over your house. make friends with freedom & uncertainty. look forward to dreams. cry during movies. swing as high as you can on a swingset, by moonlight. cultivate moods. refuse to 'be responsible.' do it for love. take lots of naps. give money away. do it now. the money will follow. believe in magic. laugh a lot. celebrate every gorgeous moment. take moonbaths. have wild imaginings, transformative dreams, and perfect calm. draw on the walls. read everyday. imagine yourself magic. giggle with children. listen to old people. drive away fear. play with everything. entertain your inner child. you are innocent. build a fort with blankets. get wet. hug trees. write love letters...

Can you take any truths away from this? I know I can....

Back to studying :)

I'm still here!

Hello friends and neighbors. Yes, I am still alive... It's been almost two months since I've posted! Yikes! I've had so very much going on though...

I've started school! I am officially a student at M-TEC, an online school for medical transcription. I have wanted to pursue this for about a year now and am so excited about it!

I am still with my sweet JBS! We've been together for three months now and I completely adore him. We spend every weekend together. He makes me laugh, and listens to me, and talks to me and is so AVAILABLE... Which is something I've needed for years. I honestly have not been in a relationship like this since I was 19 years old. You know that one that you shouldn't have let go? (doesn't everyone have one like that?) J is my second chance. I completely adore him and am so grateful that he is a part of my life.

My days pretty much consist of work, study and JS. I'm trying to maintain a balance (which is ALWAYS a struggle for me) and concentrate on my health as well, in addition to my family and my friends.

I am off to study a little more before bedtime, but wanted to touch base with the 'ole blog.

Which Napolean Dynamite Character Are you?

You are Trisha.


Which Napoleon Dynamite character are you?
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God Bless The Broken Road

My sweetheart gave me the Rascal Flatts CD for my birthday and this amazing song is on it... Do you ever hear a song and the words are so identical to how you feel that it's as if you should have written it yourself? Well, this is such a song for me... The melody and harmonies are as beautiful as the lyrics...

Enjoy....


I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love
Along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
I wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you

That every long lost dream
Led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
They were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into your loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have them back again
And give them all to you
But you just smile and take my hand
You've been there and you understand
It's all part of a grander plan
That is coming true

That every long lost dream
Led me to where you are
Others who broke my heart
They were like northern stars
Pointing me on my way
Into you loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you
Now I keep rolling on into you loving arms
This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you

Jesus Laughed
Posted by Hello

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Music (Happy Birthday, We'll Sue)

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Music (Happy Birthday, We'll Sue)

35th Birthday

I am 35 years old today.... Birthdays have always been an exciting time for me.. We have always celebrated birthdays big in my family. There has always been cake and presents and a party. So, what's not to look forward to and enjoy about that??

This birthday is a tad different though... It's just that 35 is so much closer to 40 than 34 was! I know it sounds silly.. I know age is just a number and you're only as old as you feel, and all that other crap.. Honestly, the days leading up to my birthday have been harder than today has been. I have a wonderful family, wonderful friends, a wonderful boyfriend.. I'm surrounded by people who love me... I have much to be grateful for... and as mom said, if I wasn't turning 35, I'd be dead (quite the realist, my mom is)... There IS truth in that, of course...

I am grateful for my life. I'm grateful to be alive. I just have regrets, as we all do, I'm sure. If you'd asked me on my 25th birthday where I'd be on my 35th, it sure wouldn't be where I am today... But heck, we live and learn, and we're all works in progress...

I will be grateful for today. I AM grateful for my life and my experiences and all that I am today because of them... I must have faith that the things I long for will happen one day, just obviously not on my timetable!

Why Men Should Never Babysit

Shirley Q

Shirley Q Liquor - Who Is My Baby's Daddy

Fred Voetsch print

Things I love about my sweetheart

1. His sweet smile and dimples
2. His sense of humor
3. His interest in me and the things that are important to me
4. His intelligence
5. His interest in spiritual matters
6. His love for his kids
7. His work ethic
8. His commitment to communication - although we are 60 miles apart, we seem to be in constant contact
9. He misses me when we are apart and expresses that to me
10. His integrity
11. His sweet kisses and affection
12. The way he expresses himself
13. The way he makes me laugh...we laugh and laugh and laugh.... We can be free and silly... I feel like a child at times and feel safe in doing so....
14. I am smiling so much more these days!
15. He is so handsome!
16. His humility
17. His openness
18. The many things we have in common
19. His appreciation of nature - sunsets and beaches
20. His interest in reading
21. He wants to spend time with me!
22. He is dependable!
23. We seem to share everything with each other
24. The fact that we can sit and do nothing and have a great time
25. His love of music
26. His love for his family
27. His love for pets :)
28. His interest in getting to know my family and friends... He really likes them!
29. His interest in traveling
30. Things are so easy with him.....

I adore this man and am so grateful for him.... I haven’t experienced a relationship like this since I was 18 years old and am having the time of my life... Thank you God for such a blessing....

Feedback Appreciated

Ok, I need some feedback.... I’m wanting to know how other deal with something that I’m dealing with... My father has always told me that relationships are to be the icing on the cake, and not the whole cake... I tend to make them the entire bakery! I am so very much enjoying my time with JS... We are able to see each other several days a week, and are on the phone constantly... It IS a fairly new relationship and I’m sure the “newness” will fade and we’ll settle into each other... But for now, I’m having a hard time finding a balance. I need to be spending time exercising, and reading, and doing my hobbies; spending time with family and friends... How is one to find a balance?

I’ve spoken often in my blog about experiencing famine for so long in my romantic life... I haven’t had what I’ve craved for in a relationship since I was 19 years old (although sweet PJ was awfully good to me).... So, my tendency is to soak it up, and not want it to end...I’ve always had a tendency to want a LOT of the things I really love (which is why I’m such a ‘hefty’ girl, I presume :) )... I know I need to be disciplined, and make time for ALL the things I need/want to do in my life.. I’m just having a struggle with it right now...

I’d LOVE feedback on this... I notice the counter on my blog, so I know people are visiting!! I would just love some comments on what other think... Have you struggled with this? How have you dealt with it? Thanks for any help/encouragement you can give...Click on "comments" below to leave feedback...

Food for thought.....

My friend emailed this to me today.... I'm usually not into forwards and such, but there were a lot of really neat truths in this that I thought I would pass along...

• I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you..
• No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.
• Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.
• A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.
• The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.
• Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.
• To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.
• Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.
• Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.
• Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.
• There's always going to be people that hurt you so what you have to do is keep on trusting and just be more careful about who you trust next time around.
• Make yourself a better person and know who you are before you try and know someone else and expect them to know you.
• Don't try so hard, the best things come when you least expect them to.
• REMEMBER: WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
• True friends: How many people actually have 8 true friends?

Gem
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My Gem :)

My friend pointed out today that my blogging had slowed down since I wasn’t sad anymore... I guess the blog was an huge outlet for me when I was grieving. However, there is still growth taking place; still truth to be told!

Sad no more, for sure... I have entered into a new phase of life with my sweet gem, JBS... :) I am finding out what it truly means to be pursued. The book I’ve read and the post I wrote some time ago regarding ‘he’s just not that into me’ is certainly not an issue now. I’m learning that it is possible for a man to care and to show that he cares... this precious man calls and visits and expresses the most beautiful words to me to show that he cares...

I realize that guarding my heart is important... I’ve trusted before and been hurt before. I’ve hoped and hoped, and been let down, time and time again... So many of my posts as of late have demonstrated that, my yearning for love, my longing to have the intimate, close, fun partnership that I’ve craved for so many years; the union that men have laughed at me for and told me that such relationships were only in fairy tales...I thank God, though... not only for my precious gem, but for the fact that as much as I’ve tried to be a cynic, I’ve held out hope... I’ve trusted that the love I’ve longed for was a desire placed in me by Him and is something that is not impossible... I believe that cynics are actually those that yearn for love like me, but who have given up hope, because it hurts... Being loveless does hurt.. But the possibility of that love never being realized hurts even more, I think....

I am so grateful for the recent weeks... They have been few.. But my moments with J have been endless... We have shared so much with each other, in such a short amount of time, and I am so very hopeful... He is precious and I praise God for him....Thank you Father. Thank you JS.... Here’s hoping for many, many more precious moments together....

ALL I ASK OF YOU....

RAOUL
No more talk of darkness,
Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you -
my words will warm and calm you.
Let me be your freedom,
let daylight dry -your tears.
I'm here, with you, beside you,
to guard you and to guide you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me
every waking moment,
turn my head with talk of summertime . . .
Say you need me with you,
now and always . . .
promise me that all you say is true -
that's all I ask of you . . .

RAOUL
Let me be your shelter,
let me be your light.
You're safe: No-one will find you
your fears are far behind you . . .

CHRISTINE
All I want is freedom,
a world with no more night . . .
and you always beside me
to hold me and to hide me . . .

RAOUL
Then say you'll share with me one
love, one lifetime . . .
Let me lead you from your solitude . . .
Say you need me with you
here, beside you . . .
anywhere you go, let me go too
Christine,that's all I ask of you . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you'll share with me one
love, one lifetime . . .
say the word and I will follow you . . .

BOTH
Share each day with me, each
night, each morning . . .

CHRISTINE
Say you love me . . .

RAOUL
You know I do . . .

BOTH
Love me - that's all I ask of you . . .
Anywhere you go let me go too . . .
Love me - that's all I ask of you . .

CHRISTINE
I must go - they'll wonder where I am . . .
wait for me, Raoul!

RAOUL
Christine, I love you!

CHRISTINE;
Order your fine horses! Be with them at the door!

RAOUL
And soon you'll be beside me!

CHRISTINE
You'll guard me, and you'll guide me . . .

inviting 

embracing 

warmth 

Warmth

the night has been long and cold
i have become cynical due to the
beating down of the cold rain upon my face
longing for warmth
feeling as though it no longer exists
longing for rest
as i travel the cold

suddenly above the horizon
i see it
i catch a glimpse of what I have longed for
for what i have been craving

can it be?
is it so?

i smile as i gaze upward
feeling the warmth on my face
my eyes closed
my arms raised upwards
welcoming it

so grateful
for even the possibility
even a glimpse

of the season coming to a close
and inviting the warmth
enveloping it
holding it close toward me
embracing and becoming one
with the warmthness that I crave

TLS

"Desolate" by Peter Clark

www.monolandscapes.co.uk/desolate.htm

Famine

famine
longing
aching

infinity it seems
of wanting more
needing more

only darkness
and needing

suddenly
there is hope
there is a change

i long to embrace fully
to consume all that i have longed for

knowing it is not time
knowing i must relax
and rest
trust
rejoice
be thankful
for now

for now
i rejoice
i am grateful for the gift in you
and will not consume

hoping and praying
that this is not temporary
hoping it will last

never to famine again

TLS