I have had such a delightful morning. This book I'm reading has really started a neat process.
I've had this anxiety for a couple of days or so, maybe a week... I realized that when I was reading about the surgery, journaling, talking about it, that I wasn't feeling anxious. My old critical, judgmental self says "don't be anxious! The Bible says be anxious for nothing!!..." But that doesn't change the fact that I AM anxious. That it's real. I realized this morning that the achy, naggy feeling is like a newborn baby or my new puppy. It's crying because it needs something. Saying "don't be anxious. The Bible says be anxious for nothing" is like telling the baby/puppy not to cry cause the mama said not do. There is a need that needs to be met. Saying "don't do it, don't feel it" doesn't make the need go away.
I realized that the anxiety is my "spirit" saying it needs something. (Spirit and spirit are two things that I want to write about/address at some point later...)
The perfectionist part of me was longing for a place to go and be quiet, a retreat, a place to think, journal, pray, read, whatever... I wanted the "perfect" place. This morning I took my coffee my journal and went out on my front porch, propped my feet up and was still. The Bible says to be still and know that he is God...but it doesn't say what being still means. I guess knowing the original language would help..(where's John Allen when I need him).. I presume being still can mean lots of things. This morning I left my "world" behind, sat on my porch with the incredible sounds of nature around me (albeit sounds of occasional traffic and gunshots from the National Forrest firing range across the street..thus the "lack of perfection" for my retreat), and met with my spirit. And guess what..the anxiety went away. The Spirit/spirit debate is what trips me up and what makes me worry what my readers may think (why do I worry about that?!?!).. Is meeting with my spirit and meeting with God the same thing? The new agers would say yes..the fundamentalist Christians would say no..
Regardless, I had a very powerful, positive time and learned a lot. God is truth. God is honest. God is all about confronting things head on. So I don't see why he couldn't have moved in me this morning without a sermon, Scripture, getting on my knees, a traditional devotional book, whatever. If God spoke through a rock and a donkey I guess he can speak anyway he chooses.
I have no need to be anxious. God is doing a work and I know that it's not time for my life to be over. I know that it is just beginning. I know that two weeks from today I will be born again again :) No disrespect meant by that at all.. It will be a rebirth, a new start, the beginning of many, many new things. Changes will take place in my body. But changes are beginning already in my mind and in my spirit.
I am blessed and I am grateful. God is up to something good. I am excited. I am expectant. And I will strive to be still whenever needed, in whatever imperfect place it might occur, to get to know myself more, to be honest and truthful with myself and with God, and to experience change.
I've had this anxiety for a couple of days or so, maybe a week... I realized that when I was reading about the surgery, journaling, talking about it, that I wasn't feeling anxious. My old critical, judgmental self says "don't be anxious! The Bible says be anxious for nothing!!..." But that doesn't change the fact that I AM anxious. That it's real. I realized this morning that the achy, naggy feeling is like a newborn baby or my new puppy. It's crying because it needs something. Saying "don't be anxious. The Bible says be anxious for nothing" is like telling the baby/puppy not to cry cause the mama said not do. There is a need that needs to be met. Saying "don't do it, don't feel it" doesn't make the need go away.
I realized that the anxiety is my "spirit" saying it needs something. (Spirit and spirit are two things that I want to write about/address at some point later...)
The perfectionist part of me was longing for a place to go and be quiet, a retreat, a place to think, journal, pray, read, whatever... I wanted the "perfect" place. This morning I took my coffee my journal and went out on my front porch, propped my feet up and was still. The Bible says to be still and know that he is God...but it doesn't say what being still means. I guess knowing the original language would help..(where's John Allen when I need him).. I presume being still can mean lots of things. This morning I left my "world" behind, sat on my porch with the incredible sounds of nature around me (albeit sounds of occasional traffic and gunshots from the National Forrest firing range across the street..thus the "lack of perfection" for my retreat), and met with my spirit. And guess what..the anxiety went away. The Spirit/spirit debate is what trips me up and what makes me worry what my readers may think (why do I worry about that?!?!).. Is meeting with my spirit and meeting with God the same thing? The new agers would say yes..the fundamentalist Christians would say no..
Regardless, I had a very powerful, positive time and learned a lot. God is truth. God is honest. God is all about confronting things head on. So I don't see why he couldn't have moved in me this morning without a sermon, Scripture, getting on my knees, a traditional devotional book, whatever. If God spoke through a rock and a donkey I guess he can speak anyway he chooses.
I have no need to be anxious. God is doing a work and I know that it's not time for my life to be over. I know that it is just beginning. I know that two weeks from today I will be born again again :) No disrespect meant by that at all.. It will be a rebirth, a new start, the beginning of many, many new things. Changes will take place in my body. But changes are beginning already in my mind and in my spirit.
I am blessed and I am grateful. God is up to something good. I am excited. I am expectant. And I will strive to be still whenever needed, in whatever imperfect place it might occur, to get to know myself more, to be honest and truthful with myself and with God, and to experience change.
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