I haven't written in so long. I've had so much going on and life has changed so very much! I have turned in my notice at FPC and my sweetheart and I have decided to marry and move to the lovely state of Tennessee. My heart is so full as I think of so many exciting things that are soon to happen!
My 4 1/2 years here in Hattiesburg have been such a learning time for me. I have learned how to be my true self and to stand for what I believe. I have learned not to fit into a mold but to discover what I am, who I am and be true to just that. It is hard to be different. But I feel braver and stronger for it.
My road to love have been long. These past 4 years or so, I have made so many dating mistakes. I've had some special relationships, and those I will never regret. JBS and PJA are still my special friends and I wish so many wonderful things for them. Before this most recent phase of my life, I spent 10 long years in a relationship that turned into divorce (8 years dating, 1 year married and 1 year separated). In all actuality, our marriage should have been annulled and I just waited too long. I regret much of those 10 years. I sat outside tonight in the chilled air and thought about all my friends and family that gave me wedding gifts several years ago. I almost whispered "I'm sorry" out loud. Then I thought, "what am I sorry for"? I realized what I was sorry for. I am sorry that SAM will not be my first husband. He is everything I've wanted. But, the good news is, I've found him! Or better yet, he found me. He is so kind, gentle, giving, patient, loving and smart. He takes such wonderful care of me. He is broken, like me and we are perfect for each other. I'm so grateful that our paths have crossed and I cannot wait to start our family!
God is good. And he offers second chances, and third, and fourth - onto infinity... I pray that SAM and I will be gracious to each other always. That we will be kind, even when it hurts. That we will forgive, and believe, and continue to laugh and laugh and laugh. I pray we will be honest, even when it hurts. I pray that God will bless us with children that we can teach, nurture and raise into fine adults. I pray that we will get healthy and stay what way. I pray for many years for both us - especially for my sweet SAM who is a tad older than me. I want us to have 30+ years together! But, no matter how many days we have, I pray that they will be precious ones. I believe they will be. Every day I've had with him have been so precious already. I appreciate and enjoy the most mundane things with him (I once heard that marriage is living the mundane together. I love that idea. And I love the idea of the mundane with SAM!).
I have never known love to be like this. I smile when I think of him. My coworkers call me blushing bride as SAM and I talk several times during my work day to touch base and remind each other that we love each other.
Another phase is soon to begin. In 5 days I will move closer to the mountains, closer to an area that actually has 4 seasons, and closer to the love of my life. I know that this will be the best phase yet and words cannot express my gratitude.
My WLS Journey slideshow
25 October 2006
11 September 2006
Grateful
I seem to do a lot of posts on gratefulness. I guess because I realize that we can't complain when we are grateful. We can't focus on the negative when we are focusing on what we are grateful for.
A friend of mine has used the word "messy" with regards to life and I really like that. Life can be messy. Relationships can be messy. But we do our best to learn and clean up the mess until it gets messy again. I really like this quote I encountered recently. . .
No matter what, we are blessed. Let us focus on our blessings.
A friend of mine has used the word "messy" with regards to life and I really like that. Life can be messy. Relationships can be messy. But we do our best to learn and clean up the mess until it gets messy again. I really like this quote I encountered recently. . .
Being grateful for what we have today doesn't mean we have to have that forever. It means we acknowledge that what we have today is what we're supposed to have today. There is enough. . . And all we need will come to us. -Melody Beattie
No matter what, we are blessed. Let us focus on our blessings.
30 August 2006
Ah, the Memories
You Know You Grew Up In The 80's or Early 90's If:
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen..and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion,Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's Truly Outrageous.)
21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.(some of us...head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and
his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what
am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. Don't worry, be happy
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do..getting yelled at by younger hip members of the family)
46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a bannana clip.
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do)say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"
65 You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!
1. You've ever ended a sentence with the word SIKE.
2. You watched the Pound Puppies.
3. You can sing the rap to the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and can do the Carlton
4. Girls wore biker shorts under their skirts and felt stylishly sexy.
5. You yearned to be a member of the Baby-sitters club and tried to start a club of your own.
6. You owned those lil' Strawberry Shortcake pals scented dolls.
7. You know that "WOAH" comes from Joey on Blossom
8. Two words: Hammer Pants
9. If you ever watched "Fraggle Rock"
10. You had plastic streamers on your handle bars... and spokey-dokes or playing cards on your spokes for that incredible sound effect
11. You can sing the entire theme song to "Duck Tales" (Woo ooh!)
12. It was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons.
13. You wore a ponytail on the side of your head.
14. You saw the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on the big screen..and still know the turtles names.
15. You got super-excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school.
16. You made your mom buy one of those clips that would hold your shirt in a knot on the side.
17. You played the game "MASH"(Mansion,Apartment, Shelter, House)
18. You wore stonewashed Jordache jean jackets and were proud of it.
19. L.A. Gear....need I say more?
20. You wanted to change your name to JEM" in Kindergarten. (She's Truly Outrageous.)
21. You remember reading Tales of a fourth grade nothing and all The Ramona books.
22. You know the profound meaning of "WAX ON, WAX OFF"
23. You wanted to be a Goonie.
24. You ever wore fluorescent clothing.(some of us...head-to-toe)
25. You can remember what Michael Jackson looked like before his nose fell off and
his cheeks shifted.
26. You have ever pondered why Smurfette was the only female smurf.
27. You took lunch boxes to school...and traded Garbage Pailkids in the schoolyard.
28. You remember the CRAZE, then the BANNING of slap bracelets.
29. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after every sentence.
30. You remember Hypercolor t-shirts.
31. Barbie and the Rockers was your favorite band.
32. You thought She-ra (Princess of Power!) and He-Man should hook up.
33. You thought your childhood friends would never leave because you exchanged handmade friendship bracelets.
34. You ever owned a pair of Jelly-Shoes.
35. After you saw Pee-Wee's Big Adventure you kept saying "I know you are, but what
am I?"
36. You remember "I've fallen and I can't get up"
37. You remember going to the skating rink before there were inline skates.
38. You ever got seriously injured on a Slip and Slide.
39. You have ever played with a Skip-It.
40. You had or attended a birthday party at McDonalds.
41. You've gone through this nodding your head in agreement.
42. You remember Popples.
43. Don't worry, be happy
44. You wore like, EIGHT pairs of socks over tights with high top Reeboks.
45. You wore socks scrunched down (and sometimes still do..getting yelled at by younger hip members of the family)
46. You remember boom boxes and walking around with one on your shoulder like you were all that.
47. You remember watching both Gremlins movies.
48. You know what it meant to say "Care Bear Stare!!"
49. You remember watching Rainbow Bright and & My Little Pony Tales
50. You thought Doogie Howser/Samantha Micelli was hot.
51. You remember Alf, the lil furry brown alien from Melmac.
52. You remember New Kids on the Block when they were cool...and don't even flinch when people refer to them as "NKOTB"
53. You knew all the characters names and their life stories on "Saved By The Bell," The ORIGINAL class.
54. You know all the words to Bon Jovi - SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.
55. You just sang those words to yourself.
56. You remember watching Magic vs. Bird.
57. Homemade Levi shorts.. (the shorter the better)
58. You remember when mullets were cool!
59. You had a mullet!
60. You still sing "We are the World"
61. You tight rolled your jeans.
62. You owned a bannana clip.
63. You remember "Where's the Beef?"
64. You used to (and probably still do)say "What you talkin' 'bout Willis?"
65 You had big hair and you knew how to use it.
66. You're still singing shot through the heart in your head, aren't you!
16 August 2006
Regarding Contentment
WORDS OF WISDOM:
"Contentment is the greatest treasure."
The Dhammapeda
"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content."
Helen Keller--deaf and blind
"Anything in life that we don't accept will simply make trouble for us until we make peace with it."
Shakti Gawain
"I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind."
Albert Einstein
"Manifest plainness, embrace simplicity, reduce selfishness, have few desires."
Lao-Tsu
"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."
Leonardo da Vinci
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius-and a lot of courage-to move in the opposite direction."
E. F. Schumacher
Spanish Proverb
The most valuable things in life are not measured in monetary terms. The really important things are not houses and lands, stocks and bonds, automobiles and real state, but friendships, trust, confidence, empathy, mercy, love and faith.
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) British logician and philosopher.
My crown is in my heart, not on my head, Nor decked with diamonds and Indian stones, Nor to be seen: My crown is called content: A crown it is, that seldom kings enjoy.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) British poet and playwright.
Happy the man who can endure the highest and the lowest fortune. He, who has endured such vicissitudes with equanimity, has deprived misfortune of its power.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 BC-65) Roman philosopher and playwright.
When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near contentment.
Unknown Source
Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.
Unknown Source
A contented mind is the greatest blessing a man can enjoy in this world.
Joseph Addison (1672-1719) English essayist, poet, and dramatist
Being ''contented'' ought to mean in English, as it does in French, being pleased. Being content with an attic ought not to mean being unable to move from it and resigned to living in it; it ought to mean appreciating all there is in such a position.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936) British journalist, novelist and poet.
WAYS TO DEVELOP CONTENTMENT:
*Nourish your spirit with a daily practice of reflection and reverence
*View adversity as an opportunity to learn spiritual truths
*Accept the things you cannot change
*Slow down and appreciate the present moment
*De-clutter your physical environment
*Live within your means
*Think carefully before you say "Yes" to time commitments
*Educate children to be wise consumers
*Turn off commercial advertising
*Decide what really matters and live by your priorities
*Trust a Spiritual Power higher than yourself to assist you
"Contentment is the greatest treasure."
The Dhammapeda
"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence, and I learn, whatever state I may be in, therein to be content."
Helen Keller--deaf and blind
"Anything in life that we don't accept will simply make trouble for us until we make peace with it."
Shakti Gawain
"I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind."
Albert Einstein
"Manifest plainness, embrace simplicity, reduce selfishness, have few desires."
Lao-Tsu
"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication."
Leonardo da Vinci
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius-and a lot of courage-to move in the opposite direction."
E. F. Schumacher
"A still mind wants nothing."
Tara Singh, Teacher of A Course in Miracles
Spanish Proverb
The most valuable things in life are not measured in monetary terms. The really important things are not houses and lands, stocks and bonds, automobiles and real state, but friendships, trust, confidence, empathy, mercy, love and faith.
Bertrand Russell (1872-1970) British logician and philosopher.
My crown is in my heart, not on my head, Nor decked with diamonds and Indian stones, Nor to be seen: My crown is called content: A crown it is, that seldom kings enjoy.
William Shakespeare (1564-1616) British poet and playwright.
Happy the man who can endure the highest and the lowest fortune. He, who has endured such vicissitudes with equanimity, has deprived misfortune of its power.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca (4 BC-65) Roman philosopher and playwright.
When you can think of yesterday without regret and tomorrow without fear, you are near contentment.
Unknown Source
Contentment is not the fulfillment of what you want, but the realization of how much you already have.
Unknown Source
A contented mind is the greatest blessing a man can enjoy in this world.
Joseph Addison (1672-1719) English essayist, poet, and dramatist
Being ''contented'' ought to mean in English, as it does in French, being pleased. Being content with an attic ought not to mean being unable to move from it and resigned to living in it; it ought to mean appreciating all there is in such a position.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton (1874-1936) British journalist, novelist and poet.
WAYS TO DEVELOP CONTENTMENT:
*Nourish your spirit with a daily practice of reflection and reverence
*View adversity as an opportunity to learn spiritual truths
*Accept the things you cannot change
*Slow down and appreciate the present moment
*De-clutter your physical environment
*Live within your means
*Think carefully before you say "Yes" to time commitments
*Educate children to be wise consumers
*Turn off commercial advertising
*Decide what really matters and live by your priorities
*Trust a Spiritual Power higher than yourself to assist you
AFFIRMATIONS:
"Simple living brings me freedom and contentment. I keep material things in perspective. I give myself the gift of quiet time. My spirit is happy when I let go of extreme desires. Life's difficulties are teaching me wisdom. I trust my Creator."
07 August 2006
Control
A dear friend of mine recently reminded me of a basic principle learned in Psych 101 (Waaayyy to long ago for me) :) The principle is regarding internal/external locus of control.
This has not been me to a large extent. But in some ways, it has. I tend to be a slave to my emotions. I let people make me mad. When I do that, I am giving them power, rather than me being in control of my own emotions. I have never really learned to make wise choices. I have never really seen myself as an indepent woman. So these are the things that I am currently working on.
This is good stuff:
I have always had a really hard time with those with a "victim" mentality; who thinks that the whole world is against them; who work the system and blame everyone else for their troubles.People tend to ascribe their chances of future successes or failures either to internal or external causes. Persons with an internal locus of control see themselves as responsible for the outcomes of their own actions. These individuals often believe that they control their destiny, and are often observed to excel in educational or vocational realms. Someone with an external locus of control, on the other hand, sees environmental causes and situational factors as being more important than internal ones. These individuals would be more likely to see luck rather than effort as determining whether they succeed or fail in the future, and are more likely to view themselves as the victim in any given situation. http://en.wikipedia.org.
This has not been me to a large extent. But in some ways, it has. I tend to be a slave to my emotions. I let people make me mad. When I do that, I am giving them power, rather than me being in control of my own emotions. I have never really learned to make wise choices. I have never really seen myself as an indepent woman. So these are the things that I am currently working on.
This is good stuff:
What is self-control?
Self-control is a set of behaviors which:
- Accepts the reality that the only thing in life which you can successfully change and control is yourself.
- Keeps in check all self-destructive, addictive, obsessive, compulsive, irrational, and unacceptable behaviors.
- Gives you a sense of personal mastery, autonomy, and competency over your own life.
- Is under your control and power to direct and orchestrate with no need for interference or manipulation from others.
- Makes you the master of your own destiny because it keeps in check those barriers and obstacles which are a threat to your overall success in life.
- Is a middle ground between perfectionism and laxity in self care.
- Results in your life having a balance and focus by helping you to cope with new challenges in life as they come.
- Helps you to keep your over-emotional responses in check or moderation.
- Helps you to open yourself up from nonfeeling or pulled-in emotions so that you can have a healthy emotional life.
- Is the foundation for healthy coping and contributes to your accepting personal responsibility for your life.
- Keeps your life in moderation, helping you to avoid extremes in any direction.
- Is the focus of the efforts to let go of the uncontrollables and unchangeables in your life so that you can concentrate on yourself.
- Eliminates the need for you to be manipulative, helpless, fixing others, intimidating, overdependent or a caretaker of others.
- Helps you to be detached from others and to keep your relationships in a healthy balance of give and take.
- Reflects your inner desire to grow up into a mature, responsible adult.
What are the negative effects of not maintaining self-control?
If you cannot gain self-control in your life, you could:
- Focus all your attention on trying to control, fix, or rescue other persons, places, and things and divert your attention from your own needs.
- Suffer the negative impact of your out of control behaviors such as alcoholism, chemical dependency, overeating, compulsive sex, addictive relationships, compulsive shopping, gambling, smoking, etc.
- Become deeply depressed and despondent over your weakness and inability to get your life into "check'' or 'balance.''
- Prefer to be overly dependent on other helpers, caretakers, fixers, and rescuers to give your life the control it needs.
- Fall prey to an overly perfectionistic and idealistic belief system in which no matter how well you get things in order you see them as being imperfect and not good enough.
- Lose control over the emotional boundaries you need to maintain from becoming over enmeshed or controlled by others.
- Become lost as to where you begin and end and where others in your life begin and end in relationship to you.
- Find yourself responding to situations in your life either in an overly emotional and hysterical way or in a withdrawn, pulled-in and non-emotive way, with neither response being healthy or appropriate at the time.
- Find it impossible to become detached from people, places, or things who are toxic or unhealthy for you.
- Find yourself in a state of powerlessness to effect changes to get your life into moderation or balance.
- Fall into the trap of learned helplessness and convince yourself that you are not capable of taking care of yourself and thus allow your life to get more and more out of control.
- Seek out caretakers, fixers, or rescuers to help you solve your own problems and get your life under control.
- End up convinced that there is no way you can get your life into balance because the amount of work, effort, energy, and resources needed are too great an investment just for you when there are so many other people, places, and things on which you could better focus attention.
- Experience even lower self-esteem because of your inability to believe enough in your worth and value to take action to get your life into control.
http://www.coping.org/control/selfcont.htm
I am grateful for my friend who brought this to my mind. This ssite has presented me with a lot of good info. I CAN make positive changes! It is NOT hopeless.
28 July 2006
I Believe I Can Fly!
No, it's not the cheezy song I'm referring to. It's the FlyLady!! Have you heard of her? This woman is giving me hope!
It's so weird because because although I am very nurturing and long to be a great wife and mother, I SUCK at housework, cooking, and EVERYTHING domestic! I rarely make a bed, clean my surroundings or cook anything. I have always detested this part of myself. But the FlyLady is giving me hope! She basically just takes all the regular chores and just turns them into tiny baby steps. One little thing at a time. Before too long, you are FLYING and managing your home!
This has given me hope and a jump in my step. There is hope for me. Maybe SAM is not doomed to living in a messy house and never being fed! Maybe my future kids will live in a peaceful home environment. There is hope for even one like me. Thank you FlyLady!
http://www.flylady.net/index.asp
Taming the Inner Brat
HAS SOMEONE BEEN SPYING ON ME???
- Is your sink always full of dirty dishes?
- Is your car in the driveway because it won’t fit in the garage?
- Are you late a lot?
- Are your credit cards out of control?
- Do you love animals?
- Are you afraid of some of the stuff in your fridge?
- Do you like surprises?
- Is your laundry backed-up?
- Are you creative?
- Are you overweight?
- Do you scrounge for receipts on April 14?
- Do you like pretty things?
- Do you love life in spite of the mess you are in?
- Do you like to please?
- Do you use the “but” word?
- Do you like celebrations?
- Are you still paying for the gym you don’t go to?
- Do you love children?
- Is it hard for you to say, “NO?”
- Are you spontaneous?
- Do you “over-goal?”
- Are you always looking for your keys?
- Are you afraid of your mailbox?
- Are you often over-drawn?
- Are you a procrastinator?
- Do you have too much stuff?
- Do you like decorations?
- Are you a perfectionist?
- Do you love to play?
- Do you know WHAT to do, but don’t do it?
I have found yet another wounderful resource - http://www.thebratfactor.com/
Learn how to ambush your immature thoughts
with the compassion and love of a wise parent.
Pam Young’s PhilosophyTo teach, with a lighthearted spirit, how to be firm, consistent, encouraging and loving with yourself. Welcome to Brat Reform School (BRS) where our motto is, If it isn’t fun, it won’t get done! The current curriculum is HOW TO GET ORGANIZED and it’s a home study course.BRS is the only school of its kind in the universe, because it is mandatory that both the child and the parent attend. The curriculum is designed not only to teach the adult practical strategies for getting organized, but also to teach the adult how to handle the inner child that has been causing the CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome) in her life.
At home with friends
i am so grateful for my precious friends
my friends who don't judge me, who don't condemn me
who take me as I am
knowing that I'm not all I need to be
but know that they aren't either
and this life is a process
and that I'm getting better
and getting stronger
and knowing that there is a God
who is in control
who is molding me and shaping me
even now
even as I am
imagine you are tired
and have had a long day
and you finally arrive home
and have no responsibilities
and can kick off your shoes
the temperature is perfect
the house is quiet
your are at home
you are at peace
you are at rest
this is the feeling I get with my friends
my friends who love ME
and not a preconceived notion of what I should be
THIS is ME
THIS is where I am
and they are ok with that
because they love ME
what would I do without you, friend???
how could i make it without people like you in my life??
others bind and constrict me
hinder my growth
hamper my spirit
make me sad
make me want to run
i will grow
i will be better
for now, i am ok
because of you
and am so grateful
for you
my at-home friends
my friends who don't judge me, who don't condemn me
who take me as I am
knowing that I'm not all I need to be
but know that they aren't either
and this life is a process
and that I'm getting better
and getting stronger
and knowing that there is a God
who is in control
who is molding me and shaping me
even now
even as I am
imagine you are tired
and have had a long day
and you finally arrive home
and have no responsibilities
and can kick off your shoes
the temperature is perfect
the house is quiet
your are at home
you are at peace
you are at rest
this is the feeling I get with my friends
my friends who love ME
and not a preconceived notion of what I should be
THIS is ME
THIS is where I am
and they are ok with that
because they love ME
what would I do without you, friend???
how could i make it without people like you in my life??
others bind and constrict me
hinder my growth
hamper my spirit
make me sad
make me want to run
i will grow
i will be better
for now, i am ok
because of you
and am so grateful
for you
my at-home friends
26 July 2006
Rejoicing!
In all that you are
and in all that I am when I am with you
Settling in. . .
The comfort. . .
Finally at home
How grateful I am
That in this big world
we found each other -
that you found me
Helping me along
Giving me strength
Giving me courage
Speaking the truth in love
Laughing
Feeling at home
so grateful for who you are!
So hopeful of what will be
so comfortable
and so at peace
So grateful for who you are
for who I am with you
and for all that we will be
Thank you, oh maker of Love
for bringing this gift to me.
Thank you, sweet SAM
for all that you are
for all that I am with you
and for all that we will be
I will never be the same
after such a precious gift
In all that you are
and in all that I am when I am with you
Settling in. . .
The comfort. . .
Finally at home
How grateful I am
That in this big world
we found each other -
that you found me
Helping me along
Giving me strength
Giving me courage
Speaking the truth in love
Laughing
Feeling at home
so grateful for who you are!
So hopeful of what will be
so comfortable
and so at peace
So grateful for who you are
for who I am with you
and for all that we will be
Thank you, oh maker of Love
for bringing this gift to me.
Thank you, sweet SAM
for all that you are
for all that I am with you
and for all that we will be
I will never be the same
after such a precious gift
Beautiful Girl
beautiful girlhold your head up high
don't believe their lies
the hurtful words they speak
your value, your worth
is more than gold
you are precious
unlike any other
so many gifts to give
to share with the world
hold your head high
be proud of who you are
speak the truth
of the value inside
don't let them tear you down
or wound the precious girl inside
be brave
be strong
rejoice in all that you are
beautiful girl
be strong
be brave
you are unlike any other,
beautiful girl
25 July 2006
The Woman Who Was Too Big For God
The Woman Who Was Too Big For God
by Shannon O'Donnell
She was big. No question about it. Size 12 feet. Broad hips. Big belly. Generous breasts. Wide shoulders. Big smile too. Even her voice was big, her laughter full and rich, capable of filling an auditorium. Some things fit, most didn't. She searched for chairs without arms, hard to find in most places where the chairs cut into her back and sides. She eyed every couch before she sat down, gauging its worthiness and her ability to rise gracefully from it. She asked for seat belt extensions and the window seat when she flew so her bulk wouldn't intrude too much on her neighbor. Once, when she traveled to Europe, she was stuck in the middle of five seats in the middle section of the plane. The whole long trip, she sat with her arms folded across her stomach and tried not to take up too much room. She woke up, every now and then, and from the looks of the people around her, she knew her snore was big enough to drown out the sound of the movie. She took up space. Lots of it. She was too big for most rooms, she thought, and so she found ways to be on the edges, not in the center, as if people wouldn't notice.
She was big. Too big for most clothes, especially the pretty ones with sparkles and beads and ribbons. She hadn't worn regular shoes for years, and the thought of her feet in dancing shoes left her laughing.
She was big. Bigger than almost anyone she knew. Her hug was huge, two strong arms that could wrap around and hold a person close and be warm, safe, whole. She was a great big pillow to cry into, one that held all the tears until you were done crying. Her friends would tell you she had a heart as big as the prairies.
She told big stories. Outrageous stories about old ladies who ran away from home and went to summer camp or sent postcards from their travels around the country. She told jokes, funny ones and stupid ones and ones that made you think for a whole day before you laughed.
There was a secret the big woman knew, something she didn't tell anyone. She didn't even tell herself very often because it hurt to hear the words. "I'm too big," she'd whisper, "too big for God. Even God doesn't have arms big enough to hold me." And then that great and big and gentle woman would cry. And her tears were just like her- big and gentle and they washed over her face and splashed down into her lap.
A giant hole in her heart opened one day. Nothing filled it. Nothing healed it. It just ached. And there wasn't much she could do about it. She thought for a long time that it didn't matter. It was really okay that God was too small. But lately it wasn't okay. Lately she was no longer satisfied to let God off the hook. Either God was God, and capable of being big enough for her, or they could just call it quits right here and now.
"You're not too much for me," God said. "Where did you ever get that idea?"
"I don't fit," the woman said. "It's not just my body size. I just don't seem to fit into the picture."
"Tell me more," God coaxed.
"Haven't you ever noticed," she asked, "that in all the pictures I'm the one just out of camera reach. My body doesn't all make it into the picture."
God nodded.
"But my life doesn't fit either. It's not like the lives of my friends. I don't fit inside a marriage. I don't fit into my work. I'm too big for people who want to follow all the rules."
"And what's wrong with that?" God asked. "Who told you that you had to fit those pictures?"
"But you said---" she started to say.
"I did no such thing. Never. Now, granted, some significant people in your life may have claimed I demanded that, but I'm here to tell you that I never did."
"So why don't I fit?" the woman asked.
"Oh but you do!" laughed God. "Oh, my dear, you do!"
The woman folded her arms across her chest and frowned. "You're not taking this very seriously," she complained. "You have no idea how it feels."
"Oh, don't I?" God chided. "You, my love, are as grand and glorious as all the Rocky Mountains, as huge and wide as the oceans. You are as big as a house-rattling storm that shakes the teeth of the people inside. You are like a giant earthquake and as dazzling as fields swamped by flowers. You are the embodiment of outrageous, silly, lavish grace. You, of all people, you are not puny."
She studied God, puzzled. "So, what you're saying is..."
"What I'm saying, dear heart, is that with you I do things in a big way." And God chuckled.
The woman chewed her lip. "It's not enough," she said finally.
"Only because you've been hiding outside the frame of the picture," said God. "Look, people pack up their cars and travel for miles to see real mountains, not those puny little hills on the East Coast that they pretend are mountains. No, I'm talking about the big ones! The Rockies. The Sierras. Big mountains like Rainier and Shasta. These people drag along their cameras and their video recorders and they spend all their time taking pictures. And you know what?"
"What?"
"They go home. They drop off the pictures to be developed and they do the laundry. A week or two later, they remember to pick up the pictures. They shuffle through them, try to remember where they were the day that picture was taken, and who took this strange shot? They complain about the color. And the flatness of the picture is nothing like what they saw those few weeks ago. Then they toss the envelope of pictures into a drawer and forget about them."
"So?" she prompted.
"So, they never saw the mountains, all those vast giant beauties I created. They settle for puny reproductions and wonder why everything else in their lives is so flat and stale. You are like those mountains, huge and grand and glorious. People who see you only through the camera's lens will not know your beauty. How could they? They have forgotten how to see."
God raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "Now you, you in your body, can you forget how big you are?" God asked.
She looked impatient. "No, you know that! How could I forget? It's always there, always a part of how I move around in the world."
"Do you ever feel small? Flat? Puny?" God was grinning at her.
She stuck out her tongue. "Hell, no!"
"Then you're seeing the real beauty, not some camera's reproduction. And there are no edges to the picture. You always fit."
"Yeah, but, . . ." her voice trailed off.
"I'll tell you a secret. I like doing things in a big way, so people will notice, pay attention, wake up. You're one of my best surprises." God reached for her and spun her around and danced a wicked tango with her.
"You know," the woman said when the dance was over and a huge moon hung over the horizon, "you're a lot taller than I thought you were."
by Shannon O'Donnell
She was big. No question about it. Size 12 feet. Broad hips. Big belly. Generous breasts. Wide shoulders. Big smile too. Even her voice was big, her laughter full and rich, capable of filling an auditorium. Some things fit, most didn't. She searched for chairs without arms, hard to find in most places where the chairs cut into her back and sides. She eyed every couch before she sat down, gauging its worthiness and her ability to rise gracefully from it. She asked for seat belt extensions and the window seat when she flew so her bulk wouldn't intrude too much on her neighbor. Once, when she traveled to Europe, she was stuck in the middle of five seats in the middle section of the plane. The whole long trip, she sat with her arms folded across her stomach and tried not to take up too much room. She woke up, every now and then, and from the looks of the people around her, she knew her snore was big enough to drown out the sound of the movie. She took up space. Lots of it. She was too big for most rooms, she thought, and so she found ways to be on the edges, not in the center, as if people wouldn't notice.
She was big. Too big for most clothes, especially the pretty ones with sparkles and beads and ribbons. She hadn't worn regular shoes for years, and the thought of her feet in dancing shoes left her laughing.
She was big. Bigger than almost anyone she knew. Her hug was huge, two strong arms that could wrap around and hold a person close and be warm, safe, whole. She was a great big pillow to cry into, one that held all the tears until you were done crying. Her friends would tell you she had a heart as big as the prairies.
She told big stories. Outrageous stories about old ladies who ran away from home and went to summer camp or sent postcards from their travels around the country. She told jokes, funny ones and stupid ones and ones that made you think for a whole day before you laughed.
There was a secret the big woman knew, something she didn't tell anyone. She didn't even tell herself very often because it hurt to hear the words. "I'm too big," she'd whisper, "too big for God. Even God doesn't have arms big enough to hold me." And then that great and big and gentle woman would cry. And her tears were just like her- big and gentle and they washed over her face and splashed down into her lap.
A giant hole in her heart opened one day. Nothing filled it. Nothing healed it. It just ached. And there wasn't much she could do about it. She thought for a long time that it didn't matter. It was really okay that God was too small. But lately it wasn't okay. Lately she was no longer satisfied to let God off the hook. Either God was God, and capable of being big enough for her, or they could just call it quits right here and now.
"You're not too much for me," God said. "Where did you ever get that idea?"
"I don't fit," the woman said. "It's not just my body size. I just don't seem to fit into the picture."
"Tell me more," God coaxed.
"Haven't you ever noticed," she asked, "that in all the pictures I'm the one just out of camera reach. My body doesn't all make it into the picture."
God nodded.
"But my life doesn't fit either. It's not like the lives of my friends. I don't fit inside a marriage. I don't fit into my work. I'm too big for people who want to follow all the rules."
"And what's wrong with that?" God asked. "Who told you that you had to fit those pictures?"
"But you said---" she started to say.
"I did no such thing. Never. Now, granted, some significant people in your life may have claimed I demanded that, but I'm here to tell you that I never did."
"So why don't I fit?" the woman asked.
"Oh but you do!" laughed God. "Oh, my dear, you do!"
The woman folded her arms across her chest and frowned. "You're not taking this very seriously," she complained. "You have no idea how it feels."
"Oh, don't I?" God chided. "You, my love, are as grand and glorious as all the Rocky Mountains, as huge and wide as the oceans. You are as big as a house-rattling storm that shakes the teeth of the people inside. You are like a giant earthquake and as dazzling as fields swamped by flowers. You are the embodiment of outrageous, silly, lavish grace. You, of all people, you are not puny."
She studied God, puzzled. "So, what you're saying is..."
"What I'm saying, dear heart, is that with you I do things in a big way." And God chuckled.
The woman chewed her lip. "It's not enough," she said finally.
"Only because you've been hiding outside the frame of the picture," said God. "Look, people pack up their cars and travel for miles to see real mountains, not those puny little hills on the East Coast that they pretend are mountains. No, I'm talking about the big ones! The Rockies. The Sierras. Big mountains like Rainier and Shasta. These people drag along their cameras and their video recorders and they spend all their time taking pictures. And you know what?"
"What?"
"They go home. They drop off the pictures to be developed and they do the laundry. A week or two later, they remember to pick up the pictures. They shuffle through them, try to remember where they were the day that picture was taken, and who took this strange shot? They complain about the color. And the flatness of the picture is nothing like what they saw those few weeks ago. Then they toss the envelope of pictures into a drawer and forget about them."
"So?" she prompted.
"So, they never saw the mountains, all those vast giant beauties I created. They settle for puny reproductions and wonder why everything else in their lives is so flat and stale. You are like those mountains, huge and grand and glorious. People who see you only through the camera's lens will not know your beauty. How could they? They have forgotten how to see."
God raised an eyebrow and looked at her. "Now you, you in your body, can you forget how big you are?" God asked.
She looked impatient. "No, you know that! How could I forget? It's always there, always a part of how I move around in the world."
"Do you ever feel small? Flat? Puny?" God was grinning at her.
She stuck out her tongue. "Hell, no!"
"Then you're seeing the real beauty, not some camera's reproduction. And there are no edges to the picture. You always fit."
"Yeah, but, . . ." her voice trailed off.
"I'll tell you a secret. I like doing things in a big way, so people will notice, pay attention, wake up. You're one of my best surprises." God reached for her and spun her around and danced a wicked tango with her.
"You know," the woman said when the dance was over and a huge moon hung over the horizon, "you're a lot taller than I thought you were."
23 June 2006
Not of this tribe
For so long I've cared what you thought
I hurt for I was not like you
I am no longer part of this tribe
You judge
You worry
for i have left the tribe
I now belong to one where there is love and support
where there is no longer judgement
following my heart
and trusting in Truth to lead me
and for Truth chase me
I worry not
only rest
This tribe is not one of working
not one of exhaustion
but one of peace
of rest
of trusting
of waiting
i belong
i am safe
i am better than ever
for i left the tribe
i am often there alone
it often hurts
but there is relief
and quiet
i belong
i am grateful
i am at peace
the new tribe embraces
Truth chases
I am well
better than ever. . .
i pray there will be a day
when you rest too. . .
I hurt for I was not like you
I am no longer part of this tribe
You judge
You worry
for i have left the tribe
I now belong to one where there is love and support
where there is no longer judgement
following my heart
and trusting in Truth to lead me
and for Truth chase me
I worry not
only rest
This tribe is not one of working
not one of exhaustion
but one of peace
of rest
of trusting
of waiting
i belong
i am safe
i am better than ever
for i left the tribe
i am often there alone
it often hurts
but there is relief
and quiet
i belong
i am grateful
i am at peace
the new tribe embraces
Truth chases
I am well
better than ever. . .
i pray there will be a day
when you rest too. . .
TLS
20 June 2006
YOU
Tears
because of the awe that i feel
the awe
of you
The sweetness
the utter sacrifice
of you giving
and serving
I've always been the one to love
and give
and serve
and give
and rarely felt it in return
so long neglected
in need of a touch
of a glance
of a smile
of someone to reach out
to ME
along comes you
precious
sweet
giving
serving
YOU!
You are my gift
How grateful
I am
and will always be
My heart is alive
it thrives
because of YOU!
I rejoice
I celebrate
in the gift
the gift I have found
in you.
TLS
because of the awe that i feel
the awe
of you
The sweetness
the utter sacrifice
of you giving
and serving
I've always been the one to love
and give
and serve
and give
and rarely felt it in return
so long neglected
in need of a touch
of a glance
of a smile
of someone to reach out
to ME
along comes you
precious
sweet
giving
serving
YOU!
You are my gift
How grateful
I am
and will always be
My heart is alive
it thrives
because of YOU!
I rejoice
I celebrate
in the gift
the gift I have found
in you.
TLS
13 June 2006
Roses!
I got a dozen roses! If my memory serves me correctly, I haven't received a dozen roses since 1986! What a precious, sweet man.12 June 2006
Can a dream come true?
Can a dream come true?
Can it really be?
Is there really such a thing
becoming my reality?
Like a mist you suddenly appear
and seem to be everything I have longed
and craved
and hungered for
for so very long.
Such comfort, such rest
in one existence
Like coming to a home
that you didn't even know you had
I kick off my shoes
I relax
I feel at home although it is so fresh
and so new
You are now my reality
You are my dream come true
Like two pieces that fit
that have been looking for so long
I rest
I am at home
I envelope you
and you envelope me
we are at peace
we belong
What a gift
Thank you, giver of all
for bringing me home....
TLS
Can it really be?
Is there really such a thing
becoming my reality?
Like a mist you suddenly appear
and seem to be everything I have longed
and craved
and hungered for
for so very long.
Such comfort, such rest
in one existence
Like coming to a home
that you didn't even know you had
I kick off my shoes
I relax
I feel at home although it is so fresh
and so new
You are now my reality
You are my dream come true
Like two pieces that fit
that have been looking for so long
I rest
I am at home
I envelope you
and you envelope me
we are at peace
we belong
What a gift
Thank you, giver of all
for bringing me home....
TLS
Kindred Spirit - Lee Bogle
All of us rejoice in finding the one person who completes us, the one for whom we alone were created. This painting invites us to participate in these emotions that are the essence of our being. — Lee Bogle
05 June 2006
Traci's Training
You know how some people talk about doing something and how others really do it? Well, I've been talking about getting weight off and exercising and blah, blah blah.... WELL, I haven't had time to write as of late because I'm actually DOING it rather than just talking about doing it! I've been too busy to even write...
I've have signed up to be a part of a local weight loss competition, similar to 'The Biggest Loser'. I have created another blog strictly for this entitled 'Traci's Training'. Keep up with my progress if you'd like!
I've have signed up to be a part of a local weight loss competition, similar to 'The Biggest Loser'. I have created another blog strictly for this entitled 'Traci's Training'. Keep up with my progress if you'd like!
04 June 2006
18 May 2006
The Evolution of Dance
This is amazing! Thanks Crys!
Judson Laipply on the Evolution of Dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIeIWkK0t4s
Judson Laipply on the Evolution of Dance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BIeIWkK0t4s
16 May 2006
Tunnel
Longing
to be a part
to embrace
to know
that which is new
waiting
painful
aching
agony
A surprise!
An intruder
Wanting what I question
aching
longing
striving to rise above
igniting
burning
striving
contemplation
struggle
contriving a tunnel
straining to focus
eliminate the distraction
remembrance
aching
dying for release
Beautiful intruder!
Turning my back
Focus!
Yet looking again
Beautiful day where are you?
Beautiful day of union!
Hasten to me!
The struggle will end.
The intruder will be no more.
Striving will cease.
I will belong.
I will be at home.
ts
5/16/06
to be a part
to embrace
to know
that which is new
waiting
painful
aching
agony
A surprise!
An intruder
Wanting what I question
aching
longing
striving to rise above
igniting
burning
striving
contemplation
struggle
contriving a tunnel
straining to focus
eliminate the distraction
remembrance
aching
dying for release
Beautiful intruder!
Turning my back
Focus!
Yet looking again
Beautiful day where are you?
Beautiful day of union!
Hasten to me!
The struggle will end.
The intruder will be no more.
Striving will cease.
I will belong.
I will be at home.
ts
5/16/06
13 May 2006
Princess for a moment
for one moment
what a girl dreams of
appreciated
valued
adored
for one moment
a smile
a dance
a song
simple things
for one moment
i am not the only one
who sees what is deep
and admires it
a touch
gentleness
you acknowledge
the value
and make me smile
make me cry
for one moment
i am not alone
for one moment
i am a princess
hope
that such a thing exists
my heart yearns
and for one moment
i have hope
i smile
i am grateful
i enjoy
thank you dear friend
for making me a princess
if only for a moment
one day it will be reality
and for more than a day
for now
for this moment
i thank you
ts
5/12/06
what a girl dreams of
appreciated
valued
adored
for one moment
a smile
a dance
a song
simple things
for one moment
i am not the only one
who sees what is deep
and admires it
a touch
gentleness
you acknowledge
the value
and make me smile
make me cry
for one moment
i am not alone
for one moment
i am a princess
hope
that such a thing exists
my heart yearns
and for one moment
i have hope
i smile
i am grateful
i enjoy
thank you dear friend
for making me a princess
if only for a moment
one day it will be reality
and for more than a day
for now
for this moment
i thank you
ts
5/12/06
Little Princess
I don't know who this child is but this photo seems to capture what I was trying to portray in the last post. I love the photo.
06 May 2006
Happy Birthday Blog!
Traci's Truth is One Year Old today! Sometimes it's hard for me to stick with things, but I have sure enjoyed this blog and am glad it is having a birthday. Thanks to my regular readers!03 May 2006
Astounding Photo
This has got to be one of the most gorgeous things I have seen. I received it in an email today entitled "God Spilled the Paint".. It was almost too gorgeous to be true, so I checked out snopes.com. Have you checked out this website? It's a great place to find out which things you get in emails are legit and which are not. I get irritated at people that pass along things that are not true, so I had to do my research before I posted it here! According to Snopes, it is quite real. (you know people can do amazing things with photos these days...check out my white teeth several posts for proof!).
:)
Well, just had to share the photo. Such an amazing testament of the handiwork of God...
:)
Well, just had to share the photo. Such an amazing testament of the handiwork of God...
28 April 2006
it's me
Longing
Aching
To go to the depths
To the depths of me
of all that I am
To know
to be content
to present myself
wholeheartedly
to others
to be assured
this is me
this is who I am
don't like it?
too bad; so sad
it's me
smiling
with no apologies
peaceful
it is me
Going down
getting closer every day
to the true me
no tradition
no rules
no expectations
no pleasing
just me
not for you
but for me
unafraid
embracing
all i am
and all i can be
loving
accepting
knowing
it's me
to the depths i will continue to dive
alone or with help
it's a journey
a mission
that will be accomplished
i must
i must know what is there
what i will find
i must continue to seek
for it's me
and it's all i got
tls
4/28/06
Aching
To go to the depths
To the depths of me
of all that I am
To know
to be content
to present myself
wholeheartedly
to others
to be assured
this is me
this is who I am
don't like it?
too bad; so sad
it's me
smiling
with no apologies
peaceful
it is me
Going down
getting closer every day
to the true me
no tradition
no rules
no expectations
no pleasing
just me
not for you
but for me
unafraid
embracing
all i am
and all i can be
loving
accepting
knowing
it's me
to the depths i will continue to dive
alone or with help
it's a journey
a mission
that will be accomplished
i must
i must know what is there
what i will find
i must continue to seek
for it's me
and it's all i got
tls
4/28/06
25 April 2006
Why people get married
I heard this wonderful quote last night in the movie Shall We Dance. It brought tears to my eyes so I wanted to share....
We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'.
Isn't that beautiful? So beautiful it doesn't even need an image to go with it! :)
Blessings today, friends...
17 April 2006
Right-sided people
I haven't written in weeks. My most faithful reader has complained. So here you are sweet friend!
As you can see, this post is entitled "right-sided people". The topic has nothing to do with what any of you would think. It has nothing to do with politics or nothing to do with anyone that has an agenda. It has to do with an enlightening subject that someone just informed me of last week.
Take a piece of paper and draw two columns vertically. In the left column, list people who are very "good" for you. People that encourage you, accept you, challenge you, boost you up, make you be a better person, etc. On the right side, list people who don't encourage you; people who are negative, who make you feel bad about yourself, etc. Now, cross out the entire right hand column. These people do not matter! Now, in the grand scheme of things, they are still human beings that we should be decent and kind to. But as far as our mental health, our well being, our emotional state, they do not matter.
This was so enlightening for me. I have people in my right hand column that I just give WAY too much value. I allow them to make me angry, or make me cry. I am giving them way too much power. I need to focus more on my "left-sided" people who are SO good for me. I am blessed to have quite a few in this column. The others just don't matter.
I've always wanted it to be like water on a ducks back with these people. I've wanted what they said to just roll off of me. But I never could figure out how to make that happen. Now I think I know.
I'm so grateful for enlightening moments like these. I pray that I will keep my "right-sided" people where they belong. On the right side of my column with an X penciled through there names.
As you can see, this post is entitled "right-sided people". The topic has nothing to do with what any of you would think. It has nothing to do with politics or nothing to do with anyone that has an agenda. It has to do with an enlightening subject that someone just informed me of last week.
Take a piece of paper and draw two columns vertically. In the left column, list people who are very "good" for you. People that encourage you, accept you, challenge you, boost you up, make you be a better person, etc. On the right side, list people who don't encourage you; people who are negative, who make you feel bad about yourself, etc. Now, cross out the entire right hand column. These people do not matter! Now, in the grand scheme of things, they are still human beings that we should be decent and kind to. But as far as our mental health, our well being, our emotional state, they do not matter.
This was so enlightening for me. I have people in my right hand column that I just give WAY too much value. I allow them to make me angry, or make me cry. I am giving them way too much power. I need to focus more on my "left-sided" people who are SO good for me. I am blessed to have quite a few in this column. The others just don't matter.
I've always wanted it to be like water on a ducks back with these people. I've wanted what they said to just roll off of me. But I never could figure out how to make that happen. Now I think I know.
I'm so grateful for enlightening moments like these. I pray that I will keep my "right-sided" people where they belong. On the right side of my column with an X penciled through there names.
Right-Sided People Image
You all know that I've GOT to have an image
that goes with my post!!!
These are the words of the right-sided
people in my life...
Rolling off of me...
Do I sound cruel?
Do I sound cruel?
I think I have just got to be determined
in my personal growth and
be straightforward about the things
that are good for me and the things that aren't.
Any feedback would be much appreciated!
28 March 2006
25 March 2006
you're either asleep or you are awake - I'm WAY too complicated!
I had a sleep test performed on me several months ago because I'm just way too tired all of the time. I have trouble waking up in the mornings because I sleep too heavy. I've been thinking about REM cycles and have been wondering if I'm in a REM cycle when it's time for me to wake up in the mornings. I seem to always be dreaming when I wake up (or try to wake up); so if one dreams only during REM cycles, then it would explain why I have trouble waking up if I am the deepest sleep possible...
I was speaking to a friend of mine last night on the phone. I asked him if he knew anything about the different levels of sleep . . . He said he didn't, and wasn't interested in them, and stated, "you're either asleep of you're not" !!! That statement deeply affected me. I'm WAY too darn complicated! That statement summed up who I am. . . There are only really two states - sleep and awake!!! Yet, I seem to have to make it more difficult than that.
I hope that this statement will continue to affect me. I don't have to analyze, I don't have to pick apart, I don't have to wonder. . . True, I'm always going to be me. I don't need to change who I am. Yet I don't have to make things more complicated for me if I don't have to! Life is way too hard as it is. . . Relax a bit, Trace. . . Realize that sometimes things are just as simple as "asleep or not". . .
Thanks to my new friend for this new realization that you didn't even know you provided.
I was speaking to a friend of mine last night on the phone. I asked him if he knew anything about the different levels of sleep . . . He said he didn't, and wasn't interested in them, and stated, "you're either asleep of you're not" !!! That statement deeply affected me. I'm WAY too darn complicated! That statement summed up who I am. . . There are only really two states - sleep and awake!!! Yet, I seem to have to make it more difficult than that.
I hope that this statement will continue to affect me. I don't have to analyze, I don't have to pick apart, I don't have to wonder. . . True, I'm always going to be me. I don't need to change who I am. Yet I don't have to make things more complicated for me if I don't have to! Life is way too hard as it is. . . Relax a bit, Trace. . . Realize that sometimes things are just as simple as "asleep or not". . .
Thanks to my new friend for this new realization that you didn't even know you provided.
19 March 2006
Don't shop Clinique Counter at Belks Hattiesburg!!!!
Have I mentioned how very passionate I am about quality customer service??? Well there's nothing that gets me going if I don't have it.
I encountered an extremely snooty, rude, degrading woman at the Belks Clinique counter in Hattiesburg, MS. I had purchased a man's fragrence that when opened, looked as if half of it had spilt. The bottle was oily in testment of this. I went to return the bottle and she had the nerve to say that it was not their fragrence. As if I had poured something else in there; to insuinate that I was a thief! I am passionate about integrity and honesty. Surely she could in no way know that about me as a stranger. But she also had no way of knowing that I was a manipulative thief either.
What happend to the customer being right?? What happened to making the customer happy at most any cost? I used to work in retail. And I was taught that one unhappy customer can make you lose as many as seven because the unhappy customer will tell their friends. Well, I'm doing more than that. I am telling the world. I am a loyal customer. If I love a product or a business, I will tell everone I know and they will gain customers from me. But the same holds ture for the reverse.
Because I had my receipt, the snooty Tara, "the counter manager", said she'd honor it "this time" but not again. As if it would happen again???? I was so close to telling her, "you don't have to worry about it happening again because I will never shop here again", but I knew I would just get pissed and want to fight. She would continue to belittle me and I just didn't want to put up with her. However, I am AM a regular Clinique customer and Dillard's Clinique will have all of my business from now on.
If you are a local reader, please do the same. We as customers pay their salaries. There would be no Clinique counter if we did not shop there. They need to treat us as if we pay their salaries. I will not tolerate less. Tara and the ower of Belk and the owner of Clinique need to know this. She did a foolish, foolish thing when she messed with this customer....
I encountered an extremely snooty, rude, degrading woman at the Belks Clinique counter in Hattiesburg, MS. I had purchased a man's fragrence that when opened, looked as if half of it had spilt. The bottle was oily in testment of this. I went to return the bottle and she had the nerve to say that it was not their fragrence. As if I had poured something else in there; to insuinate that I was a thief! I am passionate about integrity and honesty. Surely she could in no way know that about me as a stranger. But she also had no way of knowing that I was a manipulative thief either.
What happend to the customer being right?? What happened to making the customer happy at most any cost? I used to work in retail. And I was taught that one unhappy customer can make you lose as many as seven because the unhappy customer will tell their friends. Well, I'm doing more than that. I am telling the world. I am a loyal customer. If I love a product or a business, I will tell everone I know and they will gain customers from me. But the same holds ture for the reverse.
Because I had my receipt, the snooty Tara, "the counter manager", said she'd honor it "this time" but not again. As if it would happen again???? I was so close to telling her, "you don't have to worry about it happening again because I will never shop here again", but I knew I would just get pissed and want to fight. She would continue to belittle me and I just didn't want to put up with her. However, I am AM a regular Clinique customer and Dillard's Clinique will have all of my business from now on.
If you are a local reader, please do the same. We as customers pay their salaries. There would be no Clinique counter if we did not shop there. They need to treat us as if we pay their salaries. I will not tolerate less. Tara and the ower of Belk and the owner of Clinique need to know this. She did a foolish, foolish thing when she messed with this customer....
Good stuff from Ben - quoting Ben Stein
Quoting Ben Stein
Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:
I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.
Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.
Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
- Ben Stein
http://www.benstein.com/121805xmas.html
PS This is going around as an email but has additional text added to it; my understand is that the latter portion of it is not his.
Herewith at this happy time of year, a few confessions from my beating heart:
I have no freaking clue who Nick and Jessica are. I see them on the cover of People and Us constantly when I am buying my dog biscuits and kitty litter. I often ask the checkers at the grocery stores. They never know who Nick and Jessica are either. Who are they? Will it change my life if I know who they are and why they have broken up? Why are they so important? I don't know who Lindsay Lohan is, either, and I do not care at all about Tom Cruise's wife.
Am I going to be called before a Senate committee and asked if I am a subversive? Maybe, but I just have no clue who Nick and Jessica are. Is this what it means to be no longer young. It's not so bad.
Next confession: I am a Jew, and every single one of my ancestors was Jewish. And it does not bother me even a little bit when people call those beautiful lit up, bejeweled trees Christmas trees. I don't feel threatened. I don't feel discriminated against. That's what they are: Christmas trees. It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away.
I don't like getting pushed around for being a Jew and I don't think Christians like getting pushed around for being Christians. I think people who believe in God are sick and tired of getting pushed around, period. I have no idea where the concept came from that America is an explicitly atheist country. I can't find it in the Constitution and I don't like it being shoved down my throat.
Or maybe I can put it another way: where did the idea come from that we should worship Nick and Jessica and we aren't allowed to worship God as we understand Him?
I guess that's a sign that I'm getting old, too. But there are a lot of us who are wondering where Nick and Jessica came from and where the America we knew went to.
- Ben Stein
http://www.benstein.com/121805xmas.html
PS This is going around as an email but has additional text added to it; my understand is that the latter portion of it is not his.
16 March 2006
Being in the Moment
I've been doing a lot of research this evening on being "in the moment". . . I tend to let my brain work WAY more than it should. I over analyze, evaluate, re-live, worry, analyze again, worry some more. . . Why? Not sure. . . am trying to figure that out. I found some powerful thoughts and quotes regarding this subject. Maybe the words and encouragement of others will sink in and help me to relax . . .
Before I get into that, I want to speak regarding the authors of these quotes. I am of the belief that we can learn something from everyone. I didn't use to believe that. I had certain beliefs and would only read/speak to/seek advice from someone who held the same beliefs. Sad and shallow minded, but true. Many of these quotes are from Buddhists, individuals that are Jewish, or practicing Zen. Some of them are "hokey". . . but there is a wealthy of truth in these phrases.
I pray that I will learn to relax, to breathe deeply in and out, soak in my surroundings, love those in my life, be content with what I have, accept what I don't and truly be in the moment; trusting, accepting, appreciating . . .
The following are weighty words! I know it's meaty. . . If anyone reads all the way through them, I'll be surprised! Let me know if you do. Enjoy. . .
Credit is given to those that spoke these words. Those that are unmarked are unknown.
- The key . . . is to live and be in the moment. Don't jump ahead, don't wish that this wasn't happening.
- "How a moment affects future moments and what it means to be 'in the moment.'"
- Your best music will always come when you are in the moment and just playing the piano. Why is this? Because you have forgotten about trying to make music. Instead, you are now "making" music
- Be in the moment, trust yourself more, pay attention to and have an increased awareness of your body.
- "In Moment is incalculable value." - Awia
- "The thing about jazz," he muses, "is that old idea of, you know, 'being in the moment.' Well, to play really good jazz you have to be in the moment, and it takes an incredible amount of concentration to be in the moment--to be able to go anywhere, musically, with whomever you are playing with. "I try to do my life the same way," he says, "to really be in the moment, not to be thinking all the time of the past or the future, but just to really be there performing whatever is before me." re:Mel Graves
- Be in the moment at the moment every moment, making the most of yourself, being authentic. - Louis Schmier
- When you can be in the moment free of thoughts or feelings about thoughts, free of the need to speak or act, then you will dwell in the heart of truth. - Paul Ferrini
- To be in the moment, is to be fully present, fully aware. The now includes not just the chair you sit in, and the room you are in, but also everything that is happening in your life. - Ellen Kennon
- After all, when something of import occurs, we should be encouraged to feel deeply and wholly what is happening. We should literally be in the moment. Only afterwards, from a distance, can we step back and with clarity, contemplate the significance of the event and begin to put it in perspective. - Avi Weiss
- Learning to be in the moment can be thought of as making every moment a privileged one. In other words, we are constantly seeking new perceptions of our experiences even if our circumstances may be quite familiar and routine.
- "if we are in the moment, then we cannot know anything except that moment. however, if we are looking at context, then we can never truly be in the moment," - em
- "I don't spend my time missing things", he says. "It's so important to me to be in the moment. If I don't love what I'm doing at the moment, then I go find something that I do love". - Tommy Tune
- "All I have to do is stop looking at the past and not project any hopes into the future about this new relationship. All I have to do is just be in the moment with the man of the moment, whether he's in future moments or not. And living in the moment will be a huge lesson for me." Lorna Tedder
- Spend time with Children. These little folks know how to be in the moment. Spend time with them doing what they want to do. Follow their example. This shouldn't be too difficult.
- . . . As one can be in the moment, you are in the moment. Because really that's all there is. - Donna Williams
- Be in the moment! One of the ways to do this is through physical exercise. - Frederick "Cork" Graham
- I don't know what it is that makes meditating at the gym better than doing it alone at home. Maybe it's that "being in the moment" thing. When we are meditating, we are supposed to be in the moment. I spend so much time in fantasy land that I find "living in the moment" really hard to do in my real life. Of course, it's really easy to do when I'm exercising. All I can do is concentrate on my muscles. Just keep moving, just keep moving, just keep moving. That's all I can think about when I exercise at the correct level. Maybe that's it. All of those people are living in the moment more than they probably do the rest of the day. Maybe that's why some marathon runners call running their religion. - Laura Moncur
- The more we heal our emotional wounds and change our intellectual programming the more capacity we have to be in the moment and tune into the Love within. - Robert Burney
- Spiritual growth is simply the process of awakening our consciousness to be in the moment with what is. - Dick Rauscher
- This lesson of being "in the moment" has been important and personally meaningful. I tend to think about the past decision choices. I can stew in the "what ifs" - I could have; I should have; I also tend to think about what needs to be done. Of course, as with everyone, thinking about such things brings worry and angst. The list of things to be done is always endless. Dogs remind me to be in the moment - to live and enjoy this very moment. And that is one of the great lessons I try to learn and practice from my dogs. Dogs are a wonderful example and remind me not to waste the moment. - Catherine
- There are very few joys in life greater than spontaneity. Spontaneity means to be in the moment; it means acting out of your awareness, not acting according to your old conditionings. Those days are gone -- those conditions, conceptions are absolutely invalid. - Osho
- "Stay in the moment. Become the best you can be in the moment, and what lies out ahead only God knows. Enjoy and stay in the moment you're in and if you do that, you will not be disappointed with what you do." - Jim Tressel
Row
I love this quote:
All you have to do is the best you can.
A high wave comes, a crushing wave comes, a gentle swell flows.
Whatever comes, stay in your boat.
And enjoy the ride.
And row.
Author Unknown
10 March 2006
Junior High Girl
Ok, one of my girlfriends has often compared me to a junior high girl... It is SO much worse now.
I've been an American Idol fan since the very first season. For the first two seasons I've had TiVo and can now catch every episode. I have fallen IN LOVE with Taylor Hicks on this year's season. He is the most unbelievable singer and performer. He sings from his gut with such passion and conviction. He has these eyes and smile that are just simply KILLER. He has this precious personality and seems to humble and down to earth.
I've told this guy that I've been speaking to lately that every man in my life from now on will just have to accept that he's going to take a back seat to Taylor!! Ha... I've also written several emails trying to get a date with him!! How pitiful am I...
I've been an American Idol fan since the very first season. For the first two seasons I've had TiVo and can now catch every episode. I have fallen IN LOVE with Taylor Hicks on this year's season. He is the most unbelievable singer and performer. He sings from his gut with such passion and conviction. He has these eyes and smile that are just simply KILLER. He has this precious personality and seems to humble and down to earth.
I've told this guy that I've been speaking to lately that every man in my life from now on will just have to accept that he's going to take a back seat to Taylor!! Ha... I've also written several emails trying to get a date with him!! How pitiful am I...
http://www.taylorhicksfan.com/
03 March 2006
Airbrushed Me! Disclaimer: This photo HAS been edited :)
I simply had to post this... My friend Tracy,
the photo editing genius, touched up this photo of me today.
She added the "glow" and whitened my teeth :)
Ok, I HAVE to see my dentitst about this ASAP!
01 March 2006
Great Article - "The Keys to Happiness, and Why We Don't Use Them"
The Keys to Happiness, and Why We Don't Use Them
Robin Lloyd
Special to LiveScience
LiveScience.com
Tue Feb 28, 11:02 AM ET
"It requires some effort to achieve a happy outlook on life, and most people don't make it." —Author and researcher Gregg Easterbrook
ADVERTISEMENT
Psychologists have recently handed the keys to happiness to the public, but many people cling to gloomy ways out of habit, experts say.
Polls show Americans are no happier today than they were 50 years ago despite significant increases in prosperity, decreases in crime, cleaner air, larger living quarters and a better overall quality of life.
So what gives?
Happiness is 50 percent genetic, says University of Minnesota researcher David Lykken. What you do with the other half of the challenge depends largely on determination, psychologists agree. As Abraham Lincoln once said, "Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
What works, and what doesn't
Happiness does not come via prescription drugs, although 10 percent of women 18 and older and 4 percent of men take antidepressants, according to the Department of Health and Human Services. Anti-depressants benefit those with mental illness but are no happiness guarantee, researchers say.
Nor will money or prosperity buy happiness for many of us. Money that lifts people out of poverty increases happiness, but after that, the better paychecks stop paying off sense-of-well-being dividends, research shows.
One route to more happiness is called "flow," an engrossing state that comes during creative or playful activity, psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has found. Athletes, musicians, writers, gamers, and religious adherents know the feeling. It comes less from what you're doing than from how you do it.
Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California at Riverside has discovered that the road toward a more satisfying and meaningful life involves a recipe repeated in schools, churches and synagogues. Make lists of things for which you're grateful in your life, practice random acts of kindness, forgive your enemies, notice life's small pleasures, take care of your health, practice positive thinking, and invest time and energy into friendships and family.
The happiest people have strong friendships, says Ed Diener, a psychologist University of Illinois. Interestingly his research finds that most people are slightly to moderately happy, not unhappy.
On your own
Some Americans are reluctant to make these changes and remain unmotivated even though our freedom to pursue happiness is written into the preamble of the Declaration of Independence.
Don't count on the government, for now, Easterbrook says.
Our economy lacks the robustness to sustain policy changes that would bring about more happiness, like reorienting cities to minimize commute times.
The onus is on us.
"There are selfish reasons to behave in altruistic ways," says Gregg Easterbrook, author of "The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse" (Random House, 2004).
"Research shows that people who are grateful, optimistic and forgiving have better experiences with their lives, more happiness, fewer strokes, and higher incomes," according to Easterbrook. "If it makes world a better place at same time, this is a real bonus."
Diener has collected specific details on this. People who positively evaluate their well-being on average have stronger immune systems, are better citizens at work, earn more income, have better marriages, are more sociable, and cope better with difficulties.
Unhappy by default
Lethargy holds many people back from doing the things that lead to happiness.
Easterbrook, also a Visiting Fellow at the Brookings Institute, goes back to Freud, who theorized that unhappiness is a default condition because it takes less effort to be unhappy than to be happy.
"If you are looking for something to complain about, you are absolutely certain to find it," Easterbrook told LiveScience. "It requires some effort to achieve a happy outlook on life, and most people don't make it. Most people take the path of least resistance. Far too many people today don't make the steps to make their life more fulfilling one."
Robin Lloyd
Special to LiveScience
LiveScience.com
Tue Feb 28, 11:02 AM ET
"It requires some effort to achieve a happy outlook on life, and most people don't make it." —Author and researcher Gregg Easterbrook
ADVERTISEMENT
Psychologists have recently handed the keys to happiness to the public, but many people cling to gloomy ways out of habit, experts say.
Polls show Americans are no happier today than they were 50 years ago despite significant increases in prosperity, decreases in crime, cleaner air, larger living quarters and a better overall quality of life.
So what gives?
Happiness is 50 percent genetic, says University of Minnesota researcher David Lykken. What you do with the other half of the challenge depends largely on determination, psychologists agree. As Abraham Lincoln once said, "Most people are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
What works, and what doesn't
Happiness does not come via prescription drugs, although 10 percent of women 18 and older and 4 percent of men take antidepressants, according to the Department of Health and Human Services. Anti-depressants benefit those with mental illness but are no happiness guarantee, researchers say.
Nor will money or prosperity buy happiness for many of us. Money that lifts people out of poverty increases happiness, but after that, the better paychecks stop paying off sense-of-well-being dividends, research shows.
One route to more happiness is called "flow," an engrossing state that comes during creative or playful activity, psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has found. Athletes, musicians, writers, gamers, and religious adherents know the feeling. It comes less from what you're doing than from how you do it.
Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California at Riverside has discovered that the road toward a more satisfying and meaningful life involves a recipe repeated in schools, churches and synagogues. Make lists of things for which you're grateful in your life, practice random acts of kindness, forgive your enemies, notice life's small pleasures, take care of your health, practice positive thinking, and invest time and energy into friendships and family.
The happiest people have strong friendships, says Ed Diener, a psychologist University of Illinois. Interestingly his research finds that most people are slightly to moderately happy, not unhappy.
On your own
Some Americans are reluctant to make these changes and remain unmotivated even though our freedom to pursue happiness is written into the preamble of the Declaration of Independence.
Don't count on the government, for now, Easterbrook says.
Our economy lacks the robustness to sustain policy changes that would bring about more happiness, like reorienting cities to minimize commute times.
The onus is on us.
"There are selfish reasons to behave in altruistic ways," says Gregg Easterbrook, author of "The Progress Paradox: How Life Gets Better While People Feel Worse" (Random House, 2004).
"Research shows that people who are grateful, optimistic and forgiving have better experiences with their lives, more happiness, fewer strokes, and higher incomes," according to Easterbrook. "If it makes world a better place at same time, this is a real bonus."
Diener has collected specific details on this. People who positively evaluate their well-being on average have stronger immune systems, are better citizens at work, earn more income, have better marriages, are more sociable, and cope better with difficulties.
Unhappy by default
Lethargy holds many people back from doing the things that lead to happiness.
Easterbrook, also a Visiting Fellow at the Brookings Institute, goes back to Freud, who theorized that unhappiness is a default condition because it takes less effort to be unhappy than to be happy.
"If you are looking for something to complain about, you are absolutely certain to find it," Easterbrook told LiveScience. "It requires some effort to achieve a happy outlook on life, and most people don't make it. Most people take the path of least resistance. Far too many people today don't make the steps to make their life more fulfilling one."
My response to the above article
Wow...this is good stuff.. I agree with so much of this (the italics are my emphases)...
When I was in my early 20's I went through a bout of depression. Someone recommended a book to me entitled "Happiness is a Choice". Even the title of this book pissed me off. Why in the world would I choose depression??
As I've grown in age and maturity, I now see that the title is entirely true. Now, some due to nature/nuture are just blessed with a more positive outlook on life rather than a negative. However, it does take work to be happy; to make a choice to be positive and grateful. There are horribly depressing things in this world; BUT there are delightful, pleasurable, beautiful things as well. Which are we going to choose to focus on? If we want to be miserable, we can choose to focus on the negative. If we want to be upbeat, positive, happy people, we can choose to focus on the positive (have you noticed how much I love the word choose/choice??? It IS up to US! and us alone)....
I have made the choice to be grateful, to fight my battles, to take responsibility where the responsibility is mine, to notice the beauty in life. NOW, that's not to say life doesn't utterly SUCK at times. I've had more pain in my 35 years than I care to admit. Fifteen years ago I would have sworn I'd be married to my best friend and have lots of babies... I'm nowhere near that... I haven't found my dream job..yada, yada, yada... But I have a precious family, precious friends, have internal strength that I never dreamed I'd have. I am fighting my health and my debt head on. I am making huge progress. I have a God who is FOR me. I have a brain, and talents and great things going for me. Life is good. And I am grateful. Today I choose to be happy. What is your choice?
When I was in my early 20's I went through a bout of depression. Someone recommended a book to me entitled "Happiness is a Choice". Even the title of this book pissed me off. Why in the world would I choose depression??
As I've grown in age and maturity, I now see that the title is entirely true. Now, some due to nature/nuture are just blessed with a more positive outlook on life rather than a negative. However, it does take work to be happy; to make a choice to be positive and grateful. There are horribly depressing things in this world; BUT there are delightful, pleasurable, beautiful things as well. Which are we going to choose to focus on? If we want to be miserable, we can choose to focus on the negative. If we want to be upbeat, positive, happy people, we can choose to focus on the positive (have you noticed how much I love the word choose/choice??? It IS up to US! and us alone)....
I have made the choice to be grateful, to fight my battles, to take responsibility where the responsibility is mine, to notice the beauty in life. NOW, that's not to say life doesn't utterly SUCK at times. I've had more pain in my 35 years than I care to admit. Fifteen years ago I would have sworn I'd be married to my best friend and have lots of babies... I'm nowhere near that... I haven't found my dream job..yada, yada, yada... But I have a precious family, precious friends, have internal strength that I never dreamed I'd have. I am fighting my health and my debt head on. I am making huge progress. I have a God who is FOR me. I have a brain, and talents and great things going for me. Life is good. And I am grateful. Today I choose to be happy. What is your choice?
27 February 2006
I Am Changing
I heard this song on American Idol
I loved the lyrics of it
It really describes where I am in my life right now
Sometimes you hear a song and just think
wow, I should have written that...
"I AM CHANGING"
Look at me
Look at me
I am changing, tryin' every way I can
I am changing, I'll be better than I am
I'm trying-to find a way to understand
But I need you, I need you-I need a hand
I am changing, seeing everything so clear now
I am changng, I'm gonna start right now, right here
I'm hoping to work it out, and I know that I can
But I need you, I need a hand
All my life I've been a fool
Who said I could do it all alone
How many good friends have I already lost
How many dark nights have I known
Walking down that wrong road, there was nothing I could find
All those years of darkness-can make a person blind
But now I can see
I am changing, tryin every way I can
I am changing, I'll be better than I am
But I need a friend-to help me start all over again,
oh-that would be just fine
I know it's gonna work out this time
'Cause this time I am-This time I am
I am changing, gonna get my life together now
I am changing, yes, I know how
I'm gonna start again, I'm leaving my past behind
I'll change my life-I'll make a vow
And nothing's gonna stop me now...hey
23 February 2006
The Shadow
I am not speaking of a dark man movie that was out some time ago. I am not speaking of what follows us that is created by the sun. I am speaking of something entirely different. Something brand new; something many probably have not heard of. Yet I've come to learn that it is something that exists within us.
The shadow, from what I understand, is that deep dark place within us. The part where our hopes, dreams, desires, fears are kept. It is the "real us" that many are afraid of or do not allow to come out and be heard. Sometimes when growing up, our true selves are stifled. Often the church, or other predisposed rules are laid upon us and we are forced by culture, or society to stuff our "true self". This "true self" is our shadow (this theory was fathered by Dr. Carl Jung, famous psychiatrist).
What I have learned is that this part of us never leaves; never dies. We cannot escape who we are. We can pretend to be something we are not; but peace, contentment, I believe, is not entirely possible. What I've been told, is that when the "shadow" is stuffed farther down, it simply comes out in unhealthy ways.
I've done a little research on this tonight. I found this piece that I want to include. It is so stimulating to me:
The Shadow
The Shadow, is a psychological term introduced by the late Swiss psychiatrist, Dr. Carl G. Jung. It is everything in us that is unconscious, repressed, undeveloped and denied. These are dark rejected aspects of our being as well as light, so there is positive undeveloped potential in the Shadow that we don't know about because anything that is unconscious, we don't know about.
The Shadow is an archetype. And what an archetype simply means is that it is typical in consciousness for everyone. Everyone has a Shadow. This is not something that one or two people have. We all have a Shadow and a confrontation with the Shadow is essential for self awareness. We cannot learn about ourselves if we do not learn about our Shadow so therefore we are going to attract it through the mirrors of other people.
Taking Responsibility for Our Lives
(I LOVE this!! Didn't I just write about this just the other day!!! ~ Traci)
The first thing we have to do in order to begin to see our Shadowsides, is to take 100% responsibility for our lives. This is a very difficult thing to do and no one does this overnight so we have to be patient with ourselves.Being in the human experience, we have all had many painful, difficult experiences where it clearly looks like it is the other persons fault, or bad luck in life or whatever else we want to call it. So taking total responsibility for what appears to come to us is no easy task but it is well worth the effort because when we take responsibility for what happens to us, we can then learn and grow from our experiences and make new choices for ourselves.
Changing our attitude from blame to responsibility will change what happens next in our world. Our destiny is of our own making and what goes on inside of us will be reflected outside of us all the time.Rebeca E. Eigen
"The Shadow Dance - Understanding RepetitivePatterns in Relationships"
Such good, good stuff... I hope that anyone that reads even a couple of my posts can see that I strive for self-awareness. This article seems to be a treasure chest of wealth regarding self-awareness. I will continue to read. If you'd like to, go to http://www.shadowdance.com/shadow/theshadow.html
One of the hardest thing about learning and growing is realizing that each person chooses their own path (how I love that word: choice). I cannot make anyone become self-aware or want to look deeper and find their shadow. One can try to encourage and lead by example, but the choice belongs to each individual.
My deepest soul prayer is that I will find a man who strives to be so deeply in touch with his own soul. Only then will I know true intimacy and have the love I so deeply crave. I pray that he exists.
Holy Maker, bring the shadow that you created into the light and help me to fully embrace all that I am and all that I was created to be. Only then will I be whole and be a beacon of light for this world that you so deeply love.
"Denial is pushing something out of your awareness. Anything you hide in the basement has a way of burrowing under the house and showing up on the front lawn."~ Howard Sasportas
21 February 2006
Victim vs. Victory
I worked in mental health for several years.
I have heard stories that would make you weep.
We live in an often very cruel world and there are horrid people that will do horrid things to people.
Then there are those of us, who just deal with general ups and downs of life
Then there are those of us, who just deal with general ups and downs of life
Hurts, pains, disappointments - fighting cynicism.
Expecting life to be one way and then being dealt an entirely different card.
The ultimate question: will you be a victim, or will you have victory?
Will you allow your pain and your disappointments to keep you down
or will you rise above them
Even the people I initially spoke of
Expecting life to be one way and then being dealt an entirely different card.
The ultimate question: will you be a victim, or will you have victory?
Will you allow your pain and your disappointments to keep you down
or will you rise above them
Even the people I initially spoke of
who deal with horrid abuse and mistreatment
must make this choice
Being a victim keeps you stuck
Victory gives each the ability to slap your abusers in the face, so to say...
"I will not allow you to keep me down"...
I pray that I find victory every day...
This theme seems to be replaying itself in my life. I first started thinking of this from a song that I've heard lately that I've come to love (I will post the words in a few). Another is, believe it or not, (those who know me well might find this funny) a marquis on a store. I usually HATE marquis, ESPECIALLY those on churches. They are way too trite for me. But, I saw this marquis on a storage place in town and it said:
If you do your raindance
until it rains
then you will have succeeded.
I read something else today:
The difficult we do immediately; the impossible takes a little longer.
Arabian proverb
This theme seems to keep replaying itself in my life. I cannot quit. I cannot allow my circumstances to defeat me. I must be a victor, no matter how hard it may be. If I stay down and defeated, then I've allowed myself to be a victim to my circumstances... I must be victorious...To me, that simply means NEVER, NEVER, NEVER giving up...
must make this choice
Being a victim keeps you stuck
Victory gives each the ability to slap your abusers in the face, so to say...
"I will not allow you to keep me down"...
I pray that I find victory every day...
This theme seems to be replaying itself in my life. I first started thinking of this from a song that I've heard lately that I've come to love (I will post the words in a few). Another is, believe it or not, (those who know me well might find this funny) a marquis on a store. I usually HATE marquis, ESPECIALLY those on churches. They are way too trite for me. But, I saw this marquis on a storage place in town and it said:
If you do your raindance
until it rains
then you will have succeeded.
I read something else today:
The difficult we do immediately; the impossible takes a little longer.
Arabian proverb
This theme seems to keep replaying itself in my life. I cannot quit. I cannot allow my circumstances to defeat me. I must be a victor, no matter how hard it may be. If I stay down and defeated, then I've allowed myself to be a victim to my circumstances... I must be victorious...To me, that simply means NEVER, NEVER, NEVER giving up...
"Unwritten"
NATASHA BEDINGFIELD
I am unwritten, can't read my mind, I'm undefined
I'm just beginning, the pen's in my hand, ending unplanned
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, oh, oh I break tradition,
sometimes my tries, are outside the lines
We've been conditioned to not make mistakes,
but I can't live that way
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten
Oh, yeah, yeah
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