On plateaus, Flo, and enmeshment...random, I know.

Hello friends.. I haven't posted in a while..Not because I've been doing poorly but because there really hasn't been anything going on.. I've had other non-WLS issues on my mind I presume..

I'm in the midst of a serious plateau!! Which I guess is important to write about too..And I was reminded tonight that plateaus are healthy.. I promised myself pre-surgery that I was not going to be one of those obsessive people that weighs every day and frets when there's not any weight lost.. Well guess what? I have officially become one of THOSE people...

***ESTROGEN ALERT FOR ANY MALES READING THIS***The nurse practitioner who follows Dr. Hodge's patients told me that my cycle could get all messed up... My cycle is usually very, very short.. (23 days - or has been for the past few years anyway) "Aunt Flo" has been trying to come and visit for weeks and weeks, and I really think that's messed me up.. Losing weight has messed up Flo and Flo has messed up losing weight :) When she finally arrived, it was almost 20 days late.. So I really think that has messed me up big time.. I'm glad that Jackie (the FNP) warned me about this..and now that I think about it, last time I was losing weight really fast (with Phentermine) I had the same issues with Flo...Hopefully once she leaves the weight loss will return.. I've only lost 1 pound in the past 2.5 weeks! :(

Ok, men, you can resume reading now.. I know that was probably a big time overshare, but I want people to know how all this can affect you. I want people to be able to learn from my experiences, if they are so inclined. So I share as I encounter.

The encouraging thing about the plateau is that as Sandra says, it's all math.. You can't weigh 250 pounds and exist on 500 calories a day and not lose weight. It's not mathematically possible. Another friend of mine said that in her personal experience, the times when she stopped losing was when she started losing inches.. almost as if the inches had to catch up with the pounds... I definitely can tell in my clothes, so that is encouraging. I do not measure as I should.. I took initial measurements the night before surgery, but have not taken them since.. I guess I should?

I still feel in kind of a dissociative state..Meaning, I have this radical eating transformation, and some changes are going on in my body, but the two haven't meshed.. I don't know if that makes sense or not.. There is so much strangeness to this process!

There is not only this dissociation between what I'm doing and who I'm becoming but also who I was and who I am becoming.. I still miss eating like crazy, but it's not constant.. It comes in waves.. It's really only with commercials now and then or while out and about and seeing restaurants or smelling things that were once my love.. I'm still waiting for that day when I have super-crazy manic energy or when I can run or cross my legs or shop in a non-fat-chic clothing store.. I think those will be the moments that the two will mesh and the dissociation will end. Or maybe it will never truly end? I do know that when those moments occur, that will be when I can say goodbye to the obese Traci, who though obese is still is so worthy of love, and say hello to the new healthy Traci. I love how another WLS friend said it. It's like an amicable divorce... Obese Traci who is food addicted, it's just not working anymore and we're going to have to part so that health and LIFE and FREEDOM can rule!

Until that time when the union of life changes and body changes takes place, I will continue on towards this journey of health and wholeness.. I will take these meds, and drink this protein, and eat these small bites, and try my hardest to follow the rules, to not rush ahead and push my little baby belly too hard, get enough rest, stay hydrated, be kind to myself, exercise as I am able, and wait for the transformation!! (But even as I say that, isn't there some saying that says the journey is not about the destination but the process?) Maybe I'm becoming enmeshed as I speak :) Ok, I've gotten too deep for myself.. and still have more protein to drink... Here's to growth, health, healing, and LIFE and FREEDOM friends!!