V DAY

Today is V Day for me... Not Valentines as most are celebrating...But My Veterans Day! I am a Veteran of love. I've done it and done it and done it. Obviously something is not quite right. I am 35 and am still searching.

In spite of this, there is no bitterness in me. I am grateful for my experiences and for those I have loved - those of late anyway; the ones that have been good to me...the ones that love me to the very best of their ability. As my precious Glo taught me (and my faithful readers will get tired of hearing me say this), people can't give you what they don't have. I do not fault those who haven't given me all that I needed. My heart is big and I give much; therefore, I presume I expect much.

In college I used to dress in black on Valentine's day. I used to joke about wearing a heart with the international symbol for no through it. In truth, I was just hurting because I was alone and lonely. I won't say that my newfound singleness doesn't have it's moments of loneliness. Most of the time I'm so busy I don't have time to be lonely. I have so much perfecting in me that needs to be done that I have been a warrior at perfecting my health and my wholeness. It's a big job! Maybe when I accomplish my goals I will be ready for my warrior with a heart ready to give me what I need.

This Love Veteran is grateful for the love I do have in my life today. My friends, my family, my precious niece, and my guy friends who can pick up the slack when I need a little attention. I am blessed and I am grateful...even today!

Plans and Providence

I have been affilitated with the Presbyterians the past couple of years. I have loved their theology but haven't delved too much into it. A part of me has just known that what they believe makes sense.

They teach a lot about providence. I've known vaguely what that meant; but never have really applied it to my life personally. I have started attending a Pres. Bible study and last night something hit me straight between the eyes.

"God makes plans and man makes plans. But God's plans supercede man's plans".

Certain parts of my past just made sense when I heard that. I am grateful.

Things I've learned

2/7/06

*People can't give you what they don't have (thanks Glo)

*Sometimes "good enough" is enough (Thanks DKP)

*You can't get all your needs met from one person

*Sometimes even healthy relationships don't work out

*Titles/labels are just words to describe something - we shouldn't be afraid of a word

*Thinking can't tell feeling what to do (Thanks DCD)

*We must relax and trust the process of growth - God will bring us where He wants us to be. We can't make it happen.

*Individuals choose whether they grow or not. No matter what we do, we cannot make someone else change. We all make our own choices.

*When you don't know what else to do, just breathe.

Life Goes On

Many changes have taken place in the recent weeks. JB and I have parted ways. Ending relationships is never easy but at times it must happen. Sometimes you can love someone and it just not be right. In many ways, I feel like our relationship was severely damaged by Katrina. We just haven't been the same since. I am proud to say, however, that it ended as mature adults, in a very healthy manner. I still care deeply for him and always will.

I am on the road to recovery in many ways. I have been taking good care of myself, physically, emotionally and hope to soon tackle the spiritual part of me. I feel as if I've been treading water for a long, long, long time. I am now moving on, to a more healthy, productive place. I am learning what life is really about and how to actually LIVE rather than simply survive. I prayed several months ago that God would do a miracle in me and I believe the miracle is taking place. I am grateful for the help of others that has brought me to this place.

I believe that God has good things in store for me. My hope is that I will continue to focus on my health, my schooling, my goals; that I will be very purposeful and directed in the things that I do. That I will not become distracted by temptations. That I will become all that I was created to be. I don't want to settle in life any longer; but want all the best.

Robert Coombs Art

Grateful

I am grateful today. I haven't posted much these past few months. I have learned, though, that even silence can speak volumes.

I've always been interested in journaling; I guess that's one reason I love this blog. I read a book on journaling once and it said that one shouldn't condemn themselves for periods of not journaling. The author stated that even in the silence you are learning; and the very essence of silence in your journal can say a lot.

Some things that have been going on are too personal to divulge on the world wide web. I've also learned that certain loved ones of mine don't want their lives to be discussed or their identities revealed. This stung a bit as I enjoy sharing those I love with others. I can be naive though about the evil in the world and those that lurk on the internet; and I certainly love those in my heart enough to respect and honor their wishes.

I am grateful today for several reasons. There is an inner part of me that has struggled all of my life; for no known reason. I have a wonderful family and had a good childhood. I have always struggled with my weight and obviously I have scars resulting from that; from not fitting in, from not being part of the "in crowd", from kids being mean and wounding my ego. As I've grown older, though, I've learned that value comes from within and have a pretty strong sense of self. I have precious friends and have been blessed. BUT in spite of this, I've still struggled.
The gratitude comes from the fact that I've had some incredible people come into my life recently and I've learned just why I have always struggled. The pieces have been put into place and I feel like a normal, stable, level headed human being. Due to preconceived notions and stigmas in our society, I won't go into depth with all this. I am just so grateful to those who have revealed the truth. I'm grateful for modern technology and the wisdom of people that create things that make us better. Life is good. I am not naive to think the struggles are over. I simply have the tools I need to fight and to think clearly as I face the world.

I am grateful for friends that make me laugh. I am grateful for friends that you can pick up where you left off, no matter how long it has been. I am grateful for sleep and Fridays and books and TV shows/movies that I can get lost in. I am grateful for my puppy who licks my face and gets so excited to see me; loving me unconditionally. I am grateful for my daddy who is silly and makes me laugh. I am grateful for his ability to hold his head high and laugh in spite of a degenerative disease. I am grateful for times alone with friends. I'm grateful for love and romance and for having someone to share that with. I am grateful for friends who believe in me and encourage me not to take life so seriously. I am grateful for God's abounding grace; for never leaving me even though I deserve to be left. I am grateful for the hope of career that I enjoy and the possibility of freedom in a career and in my finances. I am grateful for parents who will let me live with them until I can completely gain control of my finances. I am grateful to God for helping me step outside of the box and helping me to see more clearly.

I pray that I will continue to grow and see even more clearly. I pray that I will stay even keeled, confident to face whatever may come my way.

Jung quote

Anyone who wants to know the human psyche will learn next to nothing from experimental psychology. He would be better advised to abandon exact science, put away his scholar's gown, bid farewell to his study, and wander with human heart throught the world. There in the horrors of prisons, lunatic asylums and hospitals, in drab suburban pubs, in brothels and gambling-hells, in the salons of the elegant, the Stock Exchanges, socialist meetings, churches, revivalist gatherings and ecstatic sects, through love and hate, through the experience of passion in every form in his own body, he would reap richer stores of knowledge than text-books a foot thick could give him, and he will know how to doctor the sick with a real knowledge of the human soul. -- Carl Jung

Thinking.Feeling

A wise person that I know said the following:

"Thinking cannot tell feeling what to do".

I think the statement may revolutionize life for me as I know it.

Any thoughts on this statement?

_____________________________________________

This wise one also said the following:

"Too many Christians focus on being RIGHT rather than on being REAL"...
man oh man how I love that...

Dawn

The night has been long and dark
Ages it seems
Striving to see,
to thrive
but there has been blackness.

A helper comes along.
Guides me to the place I can see
Renewing hope
renewing the chance
that sight will again be possible
for this one longing to thrive.

The sun begins to rise
Suddenly and unexpectedly
Casting light upon the darkness
Renewing hope
Things become visible in the light
Understanding is clearer

Growth can begin
Dawn has come

TLS

Barren

I haven't written in a very very long time. Sometimes there are no words.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was never meant to be shut up in a single day.

Robert Caspar Lintner

Giving Thanks

My heart is full today. I genuinely realize how blessed I am. After this horrible tragedy that has come over the South recently I realize how precious life is and how precious our homes are. I am so grateful for the wonderful family that I have. God has blessed me with a precious family. We laugh together and cry together. We can talk and share and encourage and challenge each other to be better. My family members are my friends. I couldn't have better. I am so grateful for them. In the past year God has given the addition of our precious neice and I am so grateful for her. I love this little baby and am so grateful for the gift of her.

Life has been difficult lately for me for various reasons that I won't get into here. I'm at some pretty serious crossroads and am making some difficult decisions. I deal with stress and anxiety and at times depression. In spite of these, though, I am still aware of God's amazing goodness and all of His blessings.

I love photos and graphics and enjoy trying to find images that relate to what I'm going through to attach to my particular blog posts. I struggled today as I was thinking about this post. What kind of photo or image depicts thanks or gratefulness? It is such an internal thing. I did find a few, though, that I really liked. I hope you enjoy.

Have a blessed day, friends. May we always have a spirit of thankfulness and realization of just how blessed we really are, and not simply on Thanksgiving day.

Great image

To me, this image has such a feel of soaking it all in,

simply being grateful for life.

I love this one

It looks like the creator of this is Maxfield Parrish.

I love this one. She looks contemplative. Maybe reflecting on her blessings.

Have a Grateful Heart Art :)

Kathleen Taylor art.

Another lovely graphic courtesy of the lovely Tracy

My friend and coworkerTracy is so very talented with these graphics. I asked her to create something for me for my signature on my school's site. This is what she came up with. Isn't it great? I've started collecting small ceramic shoes, thus the reason for the high heels, not that I'd ever try to stand on such!

Gentle Reminder of Thanks

I was gently reminded today of the words to this hymn. What precious words during this season of thanks. May it be a spirit that endures throughout the year, rather than a holiday or a season alone.

For the beauty of the earth,
For the beauty of the skies,
For the love which from our birth
Over and around us lies,
Lord of all, to thee we raise
This our grateful hymn of praise.

For the beauty of each hour
Of the day and of the night,
Hill and vale, and tree and flower,
Sun and moon and stars of light,
Lord of all, to thee we raise
This our grateful hymn of praise.

For the joy of human love,
Brother, sister, parent, child,
Friends on earth, and friends above,
Pleasures pure and undefiled,
Lord of all, to thee we raise
This our grateful hymn of praise.

For each perfect gift of thine,
To our race so freely given,
Graces human and divine,
Flowers of earth and buds of heaven,
Lord of all, to thee we raise
This our grateful hymn of praise.

For thy Church which evermore
Lifteth holy hands above,
Offering up on every shore
Her pure sacrifice of love,
Lord of all, to thee we raise
This our grateful hymn of praise.

Words by Francis Pierpoint (1835-1917)

A little humor for you to start your day

A forward from my dad - one of the funniest people I know

BRAIN CRAMPS

Question:

If you could live forever, would you and why?

Answer: "I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever,"
--Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss USA contest.

"Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and "stuff."
--Mariah Carey

"Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life,"
--Brooke Shields, during an interview to become Spokesperson for federal anti-smoking campaign.

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body,"
--Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward.

"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country,"
--Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, DC.

"I'm not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president." (we are????)
--Hillary Clinton commenting on the release of subpoenaed documents.

"That lowdown scoundrel deserves to be kicked to death by a jackass, and I'm just the one to do it,"
--A congressional candidate in Texas.

"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
--Al Gore, Vice President

"I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix."
--Dan Quayle

"We've got to pause and ask ourselves: How much clean air do we need?"
--Lee Iacocca

"The word "genius" isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."
---Joe Theisman, NFL football quarterback & sports analyst.

"We don't necessarily discriminate. We simply exclude certain types of people."
--Colonel Gerald Wellman, ROTC Instrutor.

"If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
--Bill Clinton, President

"We are ready for an unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
--Al Gore, VP

"Traditionally, most of Australia's imports come from overseas."
--Keppel Enderbery

"Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we received notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reapply if there is a change in your circumstances."
--Department of Social Services, Greenville, South Carolina

"If somebody has a bad heart, they can plug this jack in at night as they go to bed and it will monitor their heart throughout the night. And the next morning, when they wake up dead, there'll be a record."
--Mark S. Fowler, FCC Chairman

Feeling smarter yet?