The best phase

I haven't written in so long. I've had so much going on and life has changed so very much! I have turned in my notice at FPC and my sweetheart and I have decided to marry and move to the lovely state of Tennessee. My heart is so full as I think of so many exciting things that are soon to happen!

My 4 1/2 years here in Hattiesburg have been such a learning time for me. I have learned how to be my true self and to stand for what I believe. I have learned not to fit into a mold but to discover what I am, who I am and be true to just that. It is hard to be different. But I feel braver and stronger for it.

My road to love have been long. These past 4 years or so, I have made so many dating mistakes. I've had some special relationships, and those I will never regret. JBS and PJA are still my special friends and I wish so many wonderful things for them. Before this most recent phase of my life, I spent 10 long years in a relationship that turned into divorce (8 years dating, 1 year married and 1 year separated). In all actuality, our marriage should have been annulled and I just waited too long. I regret much of those 10 years. I sat outside tonight in the chilled air and thought about all my friends and family that gave me wedding gifts several years ago. I almost whispered "I'm sorry" out loud. Then I thought, "what am I sorry for"? I realized what I was sorry for. I am sorry that SAM will not be my first husband. He is everything I've wanted. But, the good news is, I've found him! Or better yet, he found me. He is so kind, gentle, giving, patient, loving and smart. He takes such wonderful care of me. He is broken, like me and we are perfect for each other. I'm so grateful that our paths have crossed and I cannot wait to start our family!

God is good. And he offers second chances, and third, and fourth - onto infinity... I pray that SAM and I will be gracious to each other always. That we will be kind, even when it hurts. That we will forgive, and believe, and continue to laugh and laugh and laugh. I pray we will be honest, even when it hurts. I pray that God will bless us with children that we can teach, nurture and raise into fine adults. I pray that we will get healthy and stay what way. I pray for many years for both us - especially for my sweet SAM who is a tad older than me. I want us to have 30+ years together! But, no matter how many days we have, I pray that they will be precious ones. I believe they will be. Every day I've had with him have been so precious already. I appreciate and enjoy the most mundane things with him (I once heard that marriage is living the mundane together. I love that idea. And I love the idea of the mundane with SAM!).

I have never known love to be like this. I smile when I think of him. My coworkers call me blushing bride as SAM and I talk several times during my work day to touch base and remind each other that we love each other.

Another phase is soon to begin. In 5 days I will move closer to the mountains, closer to an area that actually has 4 seasons, and closer to the love of my life. I know that this will be the best phase yet and words cannot express my gratitude.